DEAR DEIDRE: I KNOW I’ll end up sitting alone on Christmas Day with my two cats for company while my boyfriend is up to heaven knows what.
We’ve been together for two years and he works away most of the time up North. I live in the South. He’s got a business selling cheap household products and says he has to travel to collect stock.
He then moves it on at car-boot sales or sells it to small convenience stores.
He visits once a month, I cook him a meal and we have sex, but he never wants to know about me.
He never wants to talk to me. In fact the only time I really have his attention is for five minutes when he takes me to bed for a bit of passion.
When he’s staying, he has an Xbox at my house so he’s either on that or his phone.
I’m 34 and he’s 39.
I saw some heart emojis come up on a text from somebody and then I found some condoms in his washbag but we never use them. I know he still talks to his ex-wife. They’ve got two kids together.
He tells me he stays in an apartment when he’s up in Scotland or Newcastle but he often declines my calls. He won’t allow me the app, Find My Friends so that I can see where he is.
I’ve asked him whether I could be with him for Christmas this year but he said, “No love. I’m a busy man.”
Am I being taken for a fool?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Even if this man isn’t cheating, ask yourself what exactly does he bring to the party.
It sounds like you’re looking for commitment, not a monthly booty call. Is this man capable of offering you that?
I see someone who’s taking advantage of your kind hospitality and picking you up and dropping you as he wishes.
Don’t take this as a rejection of you. It sounds as if he’s a commitment-phobe with his own issues, possibly with another woman who he’s cheating on too.
This is a destructive, dead-end, no-strings-sex arrangement which will only leave you feeling used.
Tell him that being casual isn’t right for you. You want a full-on relationship. If he has any serious feelings for you he’ll soon be asking for more. If not, move on.
My support pack called Your Lover Not Free will help you to realise that you deserve better.
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