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Whether you're disagreeing over politics or dodging questions about why you've gained or lost weight, getting through a family gathering can feel like you're dealing with a powder keg of emotions. Then you wake up the next day with nausea or a pounding headache.
All signs point to a hangover — except you didn't drink alcohol. Instead, your unpleasant symptoms might be due to an "emotional hangover," which refers to the "feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion that follows an intense emotional situation," Charlynn Ruan, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of Thrive Psychology Group, told Business Insider.
When you have a conflict or negative interaction with someone, "your nervous system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, and you may enter a state of fight, flight, or freeze, which helps you navigate threats and challenges," she added. Following an intense emotional experience, you may develop symptoms like exhaustion, headaches, and brain fog.
Although an emotional hangover isn't a clinical diagnosis, the nausea and fatigue can resemble the effects of consuming alcohol. Below, two psychologists explain what makes you vulnerable to an emotional hangover and how to recover after a tense family gathering.
Strong emotions like fear and anger can elicit the body's natural stress response. "Once the stress subsides, the body may experience a 'crash,' leading to fatigue, nausea, headaches, irritability, and muscle soreness," Harris Stratyner, Ph.D., a New York City-based psychologist, told Business Insider.
Ruan explained that any situation that triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response can lead to an emotional hangover. For instance, you might feel drained or disoriented after having a heated argument with your partner, mediating conflict between relatives, or returning to a home or town that reminds you of traumatic childhood events.
Accordingly, emotional hangover triggers may be connected to unresolved childhood traumas or present-day conflicts, Ruan said. "If you did something you regret, guilt can linger and create a sense of emotional depletion," Stratyner said.
Other reasons you might experience an emotional hangover include failing in front of others, receiving upsetting news, taking on too much responsibility at work or home, or ending a relationship, Stratyner said. The more you're invested in a relationship, the greater your emotional distress can be.
Besides uncomfortable family dynamics, noise, large crowds, and travel can heighten your distress. The holidays also carry additional pressures like overextending yourself financially or being around family members you might otherwise choose to avoid during the year.
Certain tendencies and personality traits can make you susceptible to an emotional hangover. "People who are high on the personality trait of agreeableness may have difficulty saying no to activities that are draining or experience cortisol spikes, even if a conflict is between other people and doesn't concern them," Ruan said.
Stratyner said that being high in neuroticism can make you more reactive to emotional stressors, which makes it more difficult to recover from stressful experiences. The same goes for low self-esteem since you're more likely to internalize criticism and struggle with feeling inadequate.
Stratyner said people who describe themselves as introverted or highly sensitive may also experience deeper emotional fatigue after taxing social interactions. They might also be more prone to ruminating about past events and dwelling on negative feelings.
"People-pleasers often suppress their emotions to avoid conflict and keep others happy," Stratyner said. When you can't please everyone or need to be assertive, you might feel conflicted and drained, leading to an emotional hangover.
Like people-pleasers, perfectionists may experience disappointment or shame if they fail to meet their high standards. Additionally, "those with an anxious attachment style are more likely to agonize over social interactions and perceive threats to your relationships even when there aren't any," Ruan said.
One way to prevent an emotional hangover is to engage in soothing activities. For example, you can write down what you're grateful for, spend time outdoors, or take a break from the news or social media, Stratyner said.
Before attending a family gathering that could be triggering or overwhelming, Ruan suggested making time to see friends, booking a session with your therapist, going for a run, or engaging in a relaxing hobby. She also recommended reaching out to supportive family members and discussing how you can help each other or intervene in case you get caught in a stressful conversation.
If you do get an emotional hangover, there are ways to speed up the recovery process. Since your nervous system is depleted, it's important to recharge by resting, catching up on sleep, having a bath, or listening to music.
"Be around friends and family who feel safe and loving, so your nervous system will stop releasing cortisol and adrenaline and start producing oxytocin and serotonin, which help regulate your mood," Ruan said. Additionally, Stratyner recommends small gestures like sending a thoughtful message or volunteering, which can make you feel a sense of purpose or positivity.
"If you feel antsy or agitated, you may need to engage in a high-energy activity to burn off built-up hormones and signal to your body that the threat is over," Ruan said. Activities like boxing, running, and weightlifting can provide a healthy outlet for releasing stress and help you recover from an emotional hangover.
