Photo credit: Joy Sowell
I love visiting with family and friends, gift-giving, and all that comes with the holiday season. Most years, though, as this time of year approaches, I'm filled with a sense of contradiction: excitement for what's ahead and an unavoidable subtle sense of dread.
As a mom for over 13 years now, I've finally pinpointed exactly the problem. I've been in the habit of saying, "Sure," "Yes," "I'll be there," or "I can help" too many times during the season, even if I didn't have the time or energy. It's left me frustrated, hurried, stressed, and downright exhausted.
The first time I vowed to seek more rest for myself during the holidays was 13 years ago. After several hours of travel and multiple stops to visit family, all with a newborn in tow, I knew the pace could not be kept. I will never forget the trauma of trying to find a quiet place to nurse my baby amid the chaos of family members I barely knew.
Little by little, each year, I've pulled back on our Christmas Day travel. This might be the biggest and happiest change I've implemented for myself and my family. I'm saying "no" to hours of travel time this year, and we're staying home for Christmas.
Miraculously, grandparents and family members have all been understanding. In fact, many of them lamented the same issues with travel on Christmas Day and are choosing to stay home, too. The good news is my door is open, and if anyone wants to see me or my immediate family on Christmas Day, they'll know exactly where to find us.
But still, over the years — even as I've created more boundaries around travel — I've gotten in the habit of doing too much, and it's affected my ability to enjoy the holiday season.
Last year, and for most years in the past, my husband would volunteer to cook the turkey for my side of the family for the Thanksgiving meal. But this year, we said we couldn't. We'd already planned a road trip for my son's birthday, so the time we had to spend on a homemade dish was significantly shorter.
We simply didn't have the time to fry a large turkey and encouraged my family to have someone else cook it. My mom ordered one, and it was just as juicy as any home-cooked bird. It lightened the load, and I vowed to keep the momentum going.
Leading up to Christmas Day last year, kind neighbors dropped off homemade items on our doorstep. We adore our neighbors, and the homemade goodies were a delight each time we opened the door. But each time I discovered a homebaked treat, I felt pressure to make or bake my own gift to reciprocate the kind gesture.
In a panic, I whipped up some last-minute treats and hauled them to each neighbor's home. I love to cook, but there wasn't much joy in the process under the pressure. Looking back, I realize there was a better way, so I'm handling it differently this year. I now see that my neighbors actually don't expect a gift in return, let alone something homemade. So, to split the difference, I'm purchasing my favorite brand of store-bought shortbread cookies, plopping a bow on top, and wishing them all my merriment without baking anything.
Volunteering at my sons' schools has always been a page from the same story. As with many parents, in years past, there's been the tug for me to attend the holiday sing-along, organize the holiday party snacks, or brainstorm and collect materials for a festive craft.
While I do love attending and being involved at my sons' schools, the issue is that with work, appointments, and my own holiday goals of reading more and sitting by a fire more often this year, I'm just not raising my hand first to head it all up. Instead, I've opted to send in supplies or choose the events I truly enjoy being at. My sons are older now, and I'm resting easy knowing they're more concerned with the football game at recess than the reindeer craft they created during the holiday party.
While my desire to do it all came from good intentions and expectations from myself and others, I didn't want the stress I had felt in the past by giving too during past holiday seasons. I realize now I do have a choice in the matter.
I'm saying "no" more than ever in an effort to protect my time and my family's time, and I'm enjoying more that makes me happy: fireside reading time, a cup of coffee with extra whipped cream, and the twinkle of the lights on my own Christmas tree this year.
