DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently bought our first house together. It has an outdoor kitchen and other features he really likes. I like it too, but there have been some issues already in the first month or two. Lately, he's been wanting to have BBQs and get-togethers for his family. He invites all these people over who I don't know. I'm not comfortable having people over all the time. He does it to show off the house.
I'm exhausted from all these parties. Although I have expressed to him that I'm not comfortable, he still does it without asking me. I have expressed my feelings and concerns, but he doesn't seem to care. I am a private person and want to enjoy my home. We did have a housewarming party, but he always wants to have more.
I don't know what to do anymore. He gets upset, and I'm always stuck cooking and cleaning. To him, I'm a party pooper and a grump. I just want my voice heard and for him not to be so selfish and a show-off. I also want him to consider my family, too. How do I cope? — PARTY POOPER IN THE WEST
DEAR PARTY POOPER: A step in the right direction would be to quit playing cook and unpaid maid. Your inconsiderate boyfriend knows you don't like doing it, so draw the line. Tell him you don't like being ignored and will no longer tolerate the situation he has created. If he refuses to compromise, talk with an attorney about a plan for him to buy your half of the house. No law says this has to be your future.
DEAR ABBY: I have recently been contacted by Child Protective Services in another state regarding a great-nephew I knew nothing about. Of course, they were hoping for placement or financial support for the boy, who is 10. I am 62. I am not in a position to care for him, physically or financially.
The boy is my brother's grandson. When my brother and his wife divorced, she took the children and disappeared. I have had no contact or information regarding my niece and nephew for 35 years. Now there is this child in need. Would it be a good idea to ask if I could write to this child? I would be able to send birthday, Christmas presents and letters, but giving him full-time care isn't possible. — CONFUSED GREAT-AUNT
DEAR GREAT-AUNT: There is so much detail left out of your letter. Where are this boy's father and mother? Are they incarcerated or dead? Where is your brother, the child's grandfather? Whether to initiate contact with this newly discovered relative and send him cards and gifts might depend upon the kind of living situation he winds up in.
Also, are you absolutely certain the person who contacted you is really from Child Protective Services, because it might be a scam. Do nothing until you have spoken to other family members and ascertain the veracity of the information you received.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
