DEAR DEIDRE: I’M scared my brother is manipulating our elderly mother into disowning me.
I feel lonely and cut out, and don’t know who to trust.
I’m 61. My husband died 20 years ago, leaving me on my own with three small children.
My parents offered to move nearer to me to help out with childcare, meaning I could apply for a better job.
On the day they were meant to arrive, they never showed. Instead, my brother rang and said they’d decided to move closer to him instead.
I lost my job and had to go on benefits.
A few years later, Dad died. Mum moved in with my brother and sold her house.
I don’t know what happened to the money, but my brother bought a nicer car and they all started enjoying holidays abroad.
They invited me and my kids along once but just went out by themselves every day and ignored us.
Mum is 88 now. I call her every week for a video chat, but my brother is always lurking in the background, listening to every word.
Once I even saw him passing her notes on what to say.
I’d love Mum to live with me now so we could look after each other but she refuses to even discuss it, saying, “Your brother makes the decisions.”
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s only natural that you want to build a relationship with your mum while you still can, but she might not want to move house to live with you.
Could you go and visit her? Talking to her in person, just the two of you, might help you sense whether she’s being manipulated by your brother.
It’s concerning that your brother’s lifestyle dramatically improved after your mum sold her house.
Has he obtained a Lasting Power of Attorney for your mother?
That would give him the legal right to make financial or wellbeing decisions on her behalf – including using her bank account.
LPAs are an excellent way to safeguard elderly and vulnerable people, but if they’re being misused, they can be revoked.
To find out if your brother has successfully obtained Lasting Power of Attorney, you can search for free by filling out a form on the gov.uk website and search for public guardian registers.
Any concerns about the actions of an attorney can be referred to the Office of the Public Guardian, which may then make an application to the Court of Protection for the removal of the attorney.
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