DEAR DEIDRE: IS great sex a valid reason not to dump my gamer boyfriend?
We’re both 25. We’ve been together for five years and our sex life is amazing.
You’d think we’d be bored with each other by now, but he only has to touch me and I want him.
Outside the bedroom, however, I just don’t seem to matter to him.
He’s always loved gaming but he got into Dungeons And Dragons over lockdown and now he’s obsessed.
If I don’t nag him to come to bed, he’d play online every night until 3am, or spend hours painting D&D figures.
I tried to indulge his fantasy on his birthday by dressing up as a sexy half-elf.
Instead of being turned on, he looked at me like I had gone mad.
Since then, I’ve left him to it but I’m feeling disconnected.
If the sex wasn’t so incredible, I’d have left years ago. But now I’m thinking about settling down and I don’t know if a good sex life is enough to sustain us forever. Should I continue?
DEIDRE SAYS: Many people become trapped in unsatisfying relationships just because the sex is so good.
But even though sex is important to a relationship, it can’t replace companionship, communication or love.
If you’re missing those things, you’re right to question things now, before you’re even more committed.
Can you find a moment when you are calm and quiet and let him know that you feel things aren’t right between you?
Explain that you’d like to spend more quality time together outside the bedroom, and that you miss him when he shuts himself away.
You can also ask if there’s anything he’d like to change about the relationship. He might have been bottling up some negative feelings behind his computer.
My support pack, How To Look After Your Relationship, explains how to consider each other’s feelings, and how to develop a stronger bond of trust. Read this together.
Give yourself a time limit for him to make some positive changes – a month or so. If things don’t change, you may have to accept he’s not the right partner for you.
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