The villains in the Home Alone franchise go through quite a lot in the course of the series.
In what should be an otherwise routine burglary, these antagonists instead find themselves stumbling into a booby trap-filled residence straight out of the Saw universe. Whether getting smashed in the face with a paint can or having their heads scorched by industrial blow torches, the physical punishment these baddies go through makes Looney Tunes or Tom and Jerry look relatively tame by comparison.
While many of Home Alone’s pranks are played out for cartoonish laughs, the reality behind these draconian traps is that, in everyday life, no human being could ever endure such severe physical trauma and walk away unscathed. From bathroom-related infernos to aerial landscaping equipment, here are some of the most lethal pranks in the entire Home Alone franchise.
As if suffering third-degree burns weren’t bad enough, how about falling from upwards of 30 feet in the air and landing on a cement floor, only to have a Home Depot-sized supply of varnish cans land on top of you? If the various traps Harry and Marv experienced inside Kevin’s dilapidated New York brownstone hadn’t killed them, this almost certainly would, with a fall from the height resulting in multiple broken bones and almost instantaneous death.
Oh, Marv. Marv, Marv, Marv. When will you ever learn not to trust ropes you can’t see the end of? Just as he’d had a household iron smash into his face in Home Alone, Daniel Stern’s hapless thief wound up sending an industrial bag of cement onto his head in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. If a clothing iron has a decent chance at mortally injuring you, you better believe a 100-pound bag of cement is going to leave you with some serious bruises, including multiple fractures, a broken neck, and numerous facial injuries.
Marv might have had it rough with a clothing iron crashing into his face in Home Alone, but that’s nothing compared to the rampaging lawnmower trap featured in Home Alone 3. Having successfully broken into Alex’s garage, Mr. Jernigan unknowingly springs a trap that sends an old-fashioned lawnmower spiraling down on top of him. While Jernigan merely suffered a bad haircut as a result of the encounter, in reality, having your head collide with lawnmower blades would have a far gorier outcome for the average person.
Talk about some good old-fashioned toilet humor, huh? Recreating one of Home Alone’s most iconic pranks, Harry once again has his head lit on fire when venturing through Kevin’s New York apartment building. Attempting to douse the flames, Harry performs an impressive handstand into a gasoline-filled toilet, setting off a small explosion that leaves him literally overcooked. Though undoubtedly hilarious, surviving an explosion with only superficial injuries is virtually impossible. In real life, what little might remain of Harry would be as charred and smoldering as the top of his head.
It may have taken them some time to actually break into the McCallister household, but unfortunately for Marv and Harry, the traps inside the house proved every bit as dangerous as those outside the front doors. Case in point with the swinging paint cans that knock the Wet Bandits down the McCallisters’ stairwell (as well as knocking out Harry’s prized gold tooth). Along with numerous broken teeth, Harry and Marv would also have suffered serious brain damage, broken noses, ocular injuries, and almost certain death as a result of such blunt force trauma to the head.
Say what you will about Marv, but at least he had the decency to try and clean himself up after getting showered with paint in Home Alone 2. Making his way over to a booby trap-rigged sink, Marv winds up getting the shock of his lifetime when Kevin switches on a hidden generator, sending electrical charges surging through Marv’s body. Given the sheer danger that lies behind electrical currents, Marv would likely end up getting cooked alive thanks to the power coursing through his body, burning from the inside out.
Getting hit in the face with a brick is bad – getting hit from a brick lobbed off the top of a five-story building is worse. Conversing with Kevin from the streets below, Marv and Harry quickly become target practice in an unending hail storm of bricks from the top of Kevin’s apartment building. In theory, a single brick thrown from that height has the potential to instantly kill you, ushering in such fatal injuries as a cracked skull and severe facial lacerations. Keep in mind, we’re only talking about one projectile brick. Marv gets hit in the face with not one, not two, not even three, but four bricks. The fact that he can even stand after that is nothing short of a cinematic miracle.
