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Very early on in our marriage, my spouse coined the phrase "Outside mine, inside yours."
It has been our guiding principle. The saying meant he took care of all the outdoor work, and I handled all the indoor chores.
In other words, I could decorate however I wanted, and he didn't want any gruff about how short he was cutting the grass.
This mantra has worked for us for 10 years, and I think it's the key to happiness in marriage.
My husband tills the garden, plants, and schedules watering. He also cleans the chicken coop and fills their food and water containers. He chops wood, mows, mulches leaves, and does anything else that needs to be done. In winter, that includes salting and shoveling snow.
The "outside" part of our mantra also includes vehicle and camper maintenance.
We were gifted an antique metal set of monkey bars that he'll soon install in the backyard. Between that and his garage projects, it's more than enough to keep him busy. Our two young boys also enjoy helping with the outdoor chores.
As the trio tromps happily outside, I fold laundry and scrub dishes in peace — usually with an audiobook playing in my ear.
We will ask for the other's opinion about a planned project, but ultimately, we have the final say in our own areas.
For example, we had a small rustic fence that my husband wanted to remove. I wanted to paint it and decorate it with antiques, but because the task was technically in his domain, he ultimately decided to remove it. I stepped back and let him handle it.
Indoors, I have often rearranged and ordered rugs, chair covers, etc., and he lets me without comment.
Just because the indoors is my lane doesn't mean he's immune to inside tasks — or vice versa. I'm regularly asked to feed pets or help with the birds. Meanwhile, my husband helps with laundry and often cleans the bathroom.
Our arrangement is less about "I'm only doing this" and more about "You are the manager of this area." It removes the mental workload from the other's list and allows us to focus on one area. While I don't mind helping in the duck pond, it's nice that I don't have to remember when it needs to be done. In the same way, I'll often ask if he can clean the counters or fold the towels because it's on my list of what needs to be completed and not his.
My more flexible work schedule also affects what chores I complete and when. As I'm home more, it's simply easier for me to run laundry. However, he folds and puts his own away.
Winter also means fewer outside chores that need to be completed. Meanwhile, with four of us helping inside, the indoor workload is lowered for all.
We end up with a fairly even set of tasks that also highlight our individual skills. By dividing and conquering the mental load of outdoor vs. indoor chores, we're able to get everything done with less stress and planning in advance.
It also shows our sons that gender-specific chores don't exist; it's about working as a team and putting your abilities where you're most talented. To really send this home, we rotate the chores that they are in charge of completing, whether it be putting dishes away, vacuuming, stacking wood, sorting laundry, or cleaning the garage. We focus on the fact that we all live under one roof, and a part of that is helping take care of the space, whether it's inside or out.
This setup helps my husband and I avoid arguments about one doing more work than the other. In this way, we are a team and happier for it.
