DEAR DEIDRE: A HEAD injury changed my ex-wife’s personality overnight, and then her boss brainwashed her.
He manipulated her making her feel he was the only one who could protect her – and they started an affair.
It’s been five years since she left me, but I still feel furious with him and can’t get over what happened.
I’m 47 and my ex is 45. We have one child, who is a teenager.
We were happily married for a decade, until six years ago, when she had a serious car accident.
She sustained a head injury and had to be cut out of her car. For a while, it was touch and go.
She was left with brain damage. We were told it might affect her personality – and sadly, it did.
From being a strong, confident woman, she became a meek person with memory problems – a shell of herself.
The doctor suggested it would help her low mood to go back to work in some capacity, in the cafe where she’d been a manager. And that’s when our troubles began.
Her boss told me he’d look after her. Instead, I believe he took advantage of her vulnerability.
While she was at work, he started indoctrinating her into his beliefs. He’s a Jehovah’s witness.
One day, she came home and said she wanted to convert.
I didn’t take it well, and we argued. She went running to her boss.
It turned out they’d been having an affair – which was so out of character.
The next day, she said she was leaving me.
I tried to get her to come home, to get more help from health professionals, but nothing worked.
She even stopped bothering with our son. Before, he’d been the light of her life.
It’s been incredibly hard for him.
We are now divorced, but I can’t move on.
I still love her and can’t help wondering how different life might have been if the accident hadn’t occurred.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife’s accident took away the woman you loved twice – both metaphorically with her personality change – and again when she left you.
You’re grieving for the loss of your marriage and the person she was, and you’ve had to support your son.
It’s no wonder you’re finding it hard to accept what’s happened, even years later.
You may find it helpful to talk this through with Headway (headway.org.uk), the brain injury charity.
It would also be a really good idea for you to talk to a counsellor, who can help you find a way to move on. See my support pack on Counselling for more information.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
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