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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Michael Allen, a 54-year-old author from Titusville, Florida. It has been edited for length and clarity.
In 1995, I realized I couldn't give expensive gifts anymore. I was used to buying gifts to impress my loved ones, and I received nice gifts as well. At a younger age, I would get things like an Atari with games, boxing gloves, or a football. Gift cards, nice clothes, and even a watch were more common presents as I grew older.
As a college student and a recently retired Marine, my priorities were school and food. My next goal after serving in the Marine Corps was to get a degree. Not wanting to participate in the "who bought the most expensive present" game made sense.
I tutored other college students and worked as a bouncer. Although I was only making enough money to cover my necessities, I was looking forward to achieving my goals of becoming an English teacher and a writer.
Buying extravagant things at the expense of putting myself in huge debt didn't seem attractive. I knew my financial situation had changed throughout my life, and I had to spend and save accordingly.
Reflecting on the hard work I put in made me extremely proud rather than ashamed of my financial background.
One day before Christmas, I asked my friends and family to lower their expectations regarding future gifts. I told them about my financial situation, what I could spend on, and what I was trying to accomplish.
Spending exorbitant amounts on Christmas was out of the question. Being open and honest about my struggles and primary issues worked out in my favor. I wasn't nervous to have this conversation.
Most of them understood, and I was truly relieved once I confessed. It immediately broke the needless superficial confinement I had put myself in to conform to the norms.
While some family members would still buy me costly gifts, some limited their splurging on me after this conversation. I was satisfied with getting whatever they would get me, even if it was nothing sometimes. Some even joined me in setting this boundary for themselves.
I started enjoying Christmas even more without having to impress people with my gift-giving superpowers. I became accustomed to speaking my mind and being truthful at all times. When you embrace life in that manner, many burdens are lifted.
My financial situation has improved, but I now sometimes only hand out one present per person. I make sure it's something meaningful and not just anything.
I once made my mother a loving video, and she still plays it often. On another occasion, I built a website for my daughter and made her a book. Personalization goes a long way.
Focusing on getting together with your loved ones and spending purposeful time with them are the only significant things of concern to me. Gifts are a component of Christmas, not the foundation.
Memories matter, not money. Food, drinks, old movies, and a good time is all I care about getting from anyone.
