The Golden Globes are only a few weeks away, so you know what that means: It’s time for us to balk at the wildly expensive swag bag being offered up to this year’s nominees. Last year, the gift bag was worth a staggering $500,000. This year, it’s double that, thanks entirely to a three-night stay at a beachfront villa in Turks and Caicos that’s valued at $507,492.
As always, not every nominee will get the chance to experience how nice a house has to be for it to cost $169,164 a night. That’s reserved for nine recipients. The way the gift bags work is that everyone receives an actual bag — this year, a suede weekender — that contains a catalogue full of travel experiences, beauty procedures, fitness classes, and items like a “humidor made for travel” that nominees get to choose from. Some things, like a “five-day luxury yacht charter throughout the Coral Triangle in Indonesia,” are offered to all recipients, while only three will get the opportunity to nab a “custom-designed suit handcrafted in Italy.”
Highlights from this year’s bag include a trip to Finland to see the northern lights ($48,000), a “non-surgical stem-cell facelift” ($40,000), and a personalized “dance-focused workout and wellness experience” from Jason Sudeikis’s sister’s fitness studio (somehow $15,000). While that all sounds great, this year’s bag is missing some of the kookiness that made last year’s much-too-expensive bag at least a little fun. Where is the private class with “one of America’s Greatest Pizzaiolos”? Where is the tattoo session with a celebrity tattoo artist? The bottle of the world’s most expensive wine? If you’re going to flaunt your wealth (not something I’d recommend in our current economic climate), at least make it a little quirky.
I’m available for consulting next year, but I’m warning you ahead of time that everything in the catalogue is going to be, like, “World’s Oldest Psychic Tells You When You’ll Die” ($125,000). If that’s something the good people of the Golden Globes gift bags are interested in, please get in touch.
Related
