CHRISTMAS may be the season of goodwill – but it’s also the season of many a family fall-out.
Being forced into spending time with relatives you don’t necessarily get along with can lead to arguments and feuds that take all the fun out of the festivities.
And one manipulative behaviour in particular that can rear its ugly head at Christmas, is gaslighting.
Whether it’s to do with heightened stress or long-established tensions and conflict narratives between family members, it’s a psychological tactic that sadly lots of people resort to.
And being on the receiving end can make you feel like you’re going completely crazy.
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines gaslighting as a “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality or memories.”
It goes on to say that being gaslit “typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”
If you’re keen to avoid the same patterns this Christmas when it comes to dealing with a disruptive family member, then one lawyer has shared his advice for what to say when someone gaslights you.
Posting on TikTok, Jefferson Fisher explained his number one rule is to say, “as little as possible”.
This is because a gaslighter will set out to distract you with multiple issues, that will have you constantly chasing after them in the conversation.
“So the less you say, the less you chase,” he reasoned.
To do that, his second piece of advice is to repeat a phrase that acknowledges what the gaslighter is saying.
“So when that gaslighter says ‘you’re being crazy right now’ – instead of chasing it and saying ‘crazy? How am I crazy?’ you’re going to repeat the phrase of acknowledgement, ‘I understand you disagree with me,'” he explained.
Jefferson predicts this will lead the person to point at something else, but by repeating the phrase again to them, you’ll stay in control.
“When you repeat, it keeps you from chasing,” he reiterated.
Finally – and perhaps the reaction that so many of us have when presented with an untruth – he advised that you should never lose your cool and shout in desperation.
This is because yelling out something like, “That’s not true!” only falls into their trap and is exactly the sort of heightened response they want from you.
Instead, he says you should just respond with a phrase that demonstrates you have a different perspective.
“Just repeat the phrase ‘I see things differently’ as many times as you need and you’ll stay in control,” he concluded.
His post was quickly flooded with over a thousand comments from TikTok users, who have either tried his advice or intend to give it a go.
“I need to memorize these!!!!” one wrote.
Another person joked that they’d need to save the advice as a cheat sheet on their phone screensaver for dealing with the narcissist in their life.
While someone else who tried the advice themselves left a thank you for Jefferson, explaining that they’d used it that evening.
“It actually worked like a charm. I feel empowered!” they said.
Families can be minefields that lead to spectacular blow-ups.
Jimmy Carr‘s dad threatened to sue him, saying he is “sick and tired” of being painted in a bad light by the comic.
Richard Williams‘ daughter Sabrina slammed the Oscar-winning movie King Richard about the tennis coach, saying it ignored his first family and five children from his marriage to her mum Betty, who he abandoned.
Ryan Giggs and his brother Rhodri fell out over the footballer’s secret affair with his wife. Their dad was not impressed either.
Gary Lineker said his relationship with brother Wayne is “not so good” and the pair “don’t speak often” after Wayne boycotted Gary’s wedding.
Zayn Malik was accused of attacking his girlfriend Gigi Hadid’s mother Yolanda. She said the One Direction star “grabbed and shoved her” and said he used “lewd, lascivious, threatening or obscene words” when she came to visit her grandchild.
Olly Murs has been estranged from his twin brother Ben since he skipped his sibling’s wedding to perform on The X Factor.
Nadia Sawalha has never seen eye to eye with her sister, Absolutely Fabulous star Julia. Nadia confessed, “I’ve never liked one of Julia’s boyfriends yet.“
King Charles doesn’t answer Prince Harry’s calls anymore as their rift continues to grow since he quit the UK with Meghan Markle.
Britney Spears slammed her sister Jamie Lynn who became a partial trustee of Britney’s estate.
