Stephen Colbert wanted to tell viewers that he hopes “your eggs are nogged and your nuts are fully megged” this Christmas — but after saying that, he had to complain about a recent poll showing many Americans have ditched certain Christmas traditions. Especially the idea people would rather have burgers for Christmas dinner than Turkey.
“Just a little over one week away from Christmas, and I would say, I hope your stockings are hung by the chimney with care, your eggs are nogged and your nuts are fully Megged,” Colbert joked during his monologue on Tuesday’s “The Late Show.” “But apparently, according to a new poll, Americans are over Christmas traditions.”
“What?” Colbert asked incredulously. “Christmas is traditions. You can’t be over them and still have Christmas. If you don’t put out your wooden shoes, how will Sinter Klaus fill them with dried fruits and nutmeat for a prosperous harvest? Think Hans, think!” he added.
Colbert noted that one of the traditions people want to ditch involves the meal, “with many people saying that this year they want burgers instead of Turkey. Yeah, that’s true, according to noted sociographic analyst Clarence T gobbs,” he said as an image of a Turkey disguised as a doctor appeared on screen.
“He’s a doctor. It’s Dr Clarence T gobbleton,” Colbert added.
But the host had an important question about this shifting of holiday food. “If we eat burgers on Christmas, what are we going to eat on the Fourth of July? This just throws off the whole festive food calendar. I can’t eat burritos on Arbor Day. You eat wood.”
There’s plenty more of course — Colbert also talked about the political turmoil in Canada, the popularity of Guinness beer with women, and more. Watch the whole monologue below:
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