The drone story is rapidly moving into the realm of UFOs over Area 51.
The more the government denies, the greater the number of people who don’t believe the government. For days last year the China balloon traversed the United States, and the federal government claimed to know nothing, and did nothing. Only after China had collected the information it needed, did the exasperated federal bureaucracy shoot down the balloon.
Wait for it. Joe Biden will issue a declaration calling the massive invasion of drone flights “an existential threat to democracy.” And former intelligence officers will issue a report declaring it all smacks of a Russian plot.
PETA will be issuing warnings about the damage to canine mental health caused by the strain of the overhead whirlybird incursions. And Planned Parenthood will declare unequivocally that women should “take steps” to avoid bringing a human being into such a threatening environment.
The U.N. and World Economic Forum will cite the rash of aerial toys to be prima facia evidence of the need for international governance and the elimination of nations. Here at home, the National Weather Service is concerned the turbulent disturbance of the atmosphere will exacerbate climate change.
Joe and his enforcer Hunter are trying to figure out how to make money off the aerial displays and considering extending blanket pardons in case their fundraising is illegal. The Committee on Reparations Now says the drone flights over urban minority population centers clearly shows this is a coordinated racist attack by evil white people. LGBTQPLUS denounced the lack of pink drones, suggesting the alien source of the devices is homophobic.
The government reaction has been multi-faceted. The Department of Defense announced a trillion-dollar fund to support independent NGO investigations of the occupation of the sky. The Department of Homeland Security announced a program to fast-track alien drone registration and a pathway to citizenship for drone operators. From the Department of Education we learn a comprehensive curriculum instituting “duck and cover” protocols for K-12 students. At the nation’s great universities, student protests turn violent over threat of aerial infringement.
Evidence of the drone threat was obvious on the internet. Blanket advertising campaigns selling anti-drone defensive systems, called drones, intensify as Christmas approaches.
Individual reactions vary. Builders report an increase in home bunker and safe room construction permits. Firearms advocates have engaged in a spirited debate about the proper ammunition to neutralize the threat. There is a waiting list to purchase home-defense shotguns, particularly the newly introduced “Granny Blaster,” which delivers a wide pattern with very little kickback.
And somewhere in the dark recesses of a Madison Avenue advertising agency, the team who engineered this drone crisis is smiling.
“Those things are flying off the shelf,” an elated drone manufacturer declared.
