What’s it gonna take to get you into this brand new Sabrina Carpenter queer rumor? Saturday Night Live rookie Jane Wickline returned to “Weekend Update” with another well-observed song, this time about how no one ever questions Sabrina Carpenter’s straightness and what’s up with that. Seriously, what’s up with that. For some pop stars, the speculation never ends. For Carpenter, it never starts. And there’s certainly some “evidence” if you want to see it. (Though evidence has never really been a prerequisite for starting a conspiracy theory. See also: Avril Lavigne clone.) Wickline mentioned the “Taste” music video smooch with Jenna Ortega, that time she made out with a femme alien at the VMAs, and her Christmas album Fruitcake. And still crickets from the people who like to question celebrities’ sexuality. Interesting, interesting.
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