DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a friend of mine, “Arthur,” passed away.
We found out after another friend had the police do a wellness check. The paramedics discovered Arthur’s body and took him away, but no one ever got back to my friend. He had to call around until he learned that Arthur had died.
Now we are searching for Arthur’s family. I realize that as well as I knew him, I don’t know any of his family members or have their contact information. As we are searching for them, we have to tell a few people in order to do our research. Of course they are all grieving, too.
We have asked that nobody post on social media because we really want the family to learn of his passing first.
How do you get people to keep such news to themselves? This is such a terrible situation.
— Dealing With Death
DEAR DEALING WITH DEATH: I am so sorry for your loss. As you see, there are many lessons in this tragic story.
As connected as so many of us are, we don’t often know our good friends’ in-case-of-emergency contact information. Let this be a wake-up call for all of us to gather those numbers right now.
In terms of keeping Arthur’s death off of social media, you can ask the select people you talk to if they will wait until you find the family. Promise that you will contact them the moment they can say something. Know that you have a day or two — at best — before someone will reveal his passing publicly — not in malice, but simply out of grief.
If you do not find the family within a couple of days, my recommendation is to post something on the deceased’s page that acknowledges his passing and invites anyone who knows the family to be in touch with you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was seeing someone for the past few months, but now everything is falling apart.
I really wanted to have a chance to sit down and talk to him in person before walking away, but he is refusing to talk to me.
Nothing terrible happened between us — at least not that I am aware of — but I feel like he is ghosting me.
This is an awful feeling. We were so happy and seemingly connected, and now it’s like a door got slammed in my face. How can I get him to at least talk to me so that I can understand?
— Saying Goodbye
DEAR SAYING GOODBYE: Sadly, you don’t always get to say goodbye in an optimal way at the end of relationships.
It can be messy and unpredictable how things fizzle out. It is also understandable that it feels awkward and incomplete when one half of a relationship abruptly stops communicating.
There is nothing you can do to force this man to talk to you. It is time for you to pivot and tend to your hurting heart.
In time, you will be able to move on, even if you never fully learn what precipitated his departure. Right now you need to be strong and turn away from him.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
