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When my daughter got her first real job at 14, I was excited for her.
I had hoped getting a job at a young age would improve her self-esteem, time management, and money management skills.
While she did earn all those skills, she required a gentle push from me. Little did I know that my teen's first job would be a learning experience for me, too.
Here's what I discovered in supporting her.
The adage, "You must spend money to make money," held true for my teenager. Before she saw her first paycheck as a server for a local catering company, our daughter needed to purchase work attire, including dress pants, a button-down shirt, and shoes. My husband and I decided to fund these startup costs, considering them an investment in her burgeoning job skills.
We also invested time in shuttling her to and from events — and soon found ourselves spending more hours in the car than we'd expected. Though most events were nearby, some were located almost an hour away. We realized our family schedule wouldn't always mesh with our teen's enthusiasm for working, which meant she had to turn down some opportunities.
Still, we tried to make the stars align whenever possible, taking turns as her Uber drivers and coordinating carpools because we saw how much our daughter enjoyed her job. She loved working a party with a tray of fancy appetizers in hand, seeing beautiful brides at weddings, and chatting with coworkers in the lull between serving and clearing dishes.
But there were stressful times, too. After one wedding during which drinks were spilled at the head table and guests were served the wrong entrées, our teen came home frazzled and upset.
"Some of those mistakes were my fault," she told us. The pride we usually saw in her face after she'd worked an event was gone, replaced by sadness and worry.
We shared some of our own embarrassing work mishaps to normalize that no one — including adults — performs their job perfectly all the time. We reminded her that mistakes happen, but what matters is how she learns from them.
Our daughter was excited to earn her own money and even more excited to spend it. Though we had talked with her about the importance of saving, we quickly discovered that Target, DoorDash, and Starbucks were kryptonite for our teen girl's wallet. Her first hard-earned paycheck disappeared in a flash.
Although we sometimes cringed at our daughter's impulse buys, we also recognized how hard she had worked to afford them. We wanted her to enjoy her newfound purchasing power, but without spending every last dime she'd earned.
After discussing options with our daughter, we made a deal: She got to keep most of her earnings, but a small percentage of each paycheck would be funneled into a savings account. The arrangement gave her enough money for everyday purchases using her debit card while ensuring she could build up savings over time.
My teenagers will confirm that I nag them about getting enough sleep, but my well-meaning words don't always resonate. When my daughter wanted to work a last-minute shift on the same weekend she had a soccer tournament, I considered saying no but ultimately let her sign up.
After a whirlwind of soccer games, outfit changes, and lengthy car commutes, my daughter was clearly exhausted.
Now, she's more intentional about prioritizing her activities — whether she's studying for an exam, working at her new restaurant job, playing soccer, or spending time with friends — because she realized trying to do it all wasn't sustainable. Allowing her the freedom to manage her work, school, and extracurricular hours taught her more about work-life balance than my most passionate lectures ever could.
Whatever career our daughter pursues, I know that someday, she'll no longer need close support from her parents to thrive in her job. When that day comes, we'll continue cheering her on from a distance.
