DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married less than a year, and I’m pregnant with my first child. Our baby was planned, and we were thrilled.
Something changed with my husband once I hit the second trimester.
If I read something about pregnancy and try to share it with him, he instantly shuts me down, saying I shouldn’t believe everything I read or that I’m wasting my time. He doesn’t want to set up anything in the nursery, either. He keeps saying we don’t need to do it until a month before the baby is due.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but friends have now taken a step back from talking to me and I’m feeling very isolated.
The other night, my husband put me down at dinner with friends. One of them said being pregnant was the most selfish thing a woman could do, and my husband agreed! I am still hurt by the comment.
While the person apologized for saying it and further explained their position on the subject (everyone had been drinking, except me), my husband hasn’t apologized. He refuses and says I’m idiotic for being so upset about it.
I am at a loss here. We planned for this baby, and I thought it would bring us even closer. Now I feel incredibly alone and sad.
Why would anyone say something so cruel, and why would my husband agree instead of being on my side?
— EXPECTING MORE IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR EXPECTING: Pregnancy is an exciting and challenging experience for all concerned, and your emotions may be heightened.
Although your husband was initially enthusiastic about the idea of starting a family right away, it’s possible that during this second trimester he recognized the reality of the responsibilities that come with parenthood. It is also possible that, because of your excitement about your pregnancy, it has become your main topic of conversation, which may be why your friends have stepped back.
The remark that was made the evening the two of you were with friends was likely fueled by too much alcohol and not enough good judgment. Your husband may have agreed because he feels jealous that your body has been “co-opted” by the baby. Not knowing him, I can’t guess at why he continues to refuse to apologize for it.
It seems to me you would feel less isolated if you found an older, more experienced female friend or relative to guide you through this challenging period. Also, keep up with your medical appointments to make sure everything is progressing normally.
DEAR ABBY: I was born deaf in my right ear. No matter how many times I remind the people I am closest to, they still seem to get annoyed with me because I ask them to repeat what they say. It is especially hard for me when their backs are turned to me.
Any suggestions on how to curb my anger? Yes, it does upset me because of my hearing challenge.
— HEARING AS BEST AS I CAN
DEAR HEARING: Curb your anger by continuing to remind people they need to talk into your “good” ear and, when you are seated, be sure the people you are interested in conversing with are sitting to your left. If you do, it may be less stressful for all of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
