Courtesy of Maria Polansky
For most of my adult life, I've been in heteronormative relationships where my partner was the breadwinner. My career path has been somewhat unconventional, as I worked in various fashion sales and merchandising roles before getting into freelance writing. I've worked full-time, part-time, and a blend of both alongside freelancing — meaning my income hasn't always experienced linear growth.
My husband, on the other hand, spent most of his 20s and early 30s climbing the corporate ladder. He had a higher and more stable salary than I did for the first five years of our relationship — until we decided to move back to Canada last year, and the roles were reversed.
We originally met in Canada, where he took a brief pause from his corporate management job to travel the country on a working-holiday visa. Upon returning to the UK, his homeland, he went back to his job, and I eventually joined him on my own working-holiday visa. We spent four years living in the UK together but ultimately decided we wanted to live in Canada.
The immigration route we took meant he would have to leave his job, and that he wouldn't be able to work for up to a year while we waited for his permanent residency to come through. It was up to me to be the sole breadwinner for the first time in our relationship. As a Canadian citizen, I was able to work from the get-go. It wasn't a decision we made lightly, but we had a safety net of savings and calculated that my freelance income would be enough to cover our bases and live comfortably.
Being the breadwinner was simultaneously challenging and empowering. On the one hand, I felt proud knowing I could support my family all on my own after years of always being the one who earned less. But living on a single income isn't easy in this economy. We weren't saving much, and though we didn't have to make too many sacrifices in our daily lives, we held back on bigger-ticket non-essential items that we normally love, like travel and concerts.
It also gave me a new perspective about finances and ultimately brought us closer together. We always used to split our finances, but after the move, we created a shared account — my husband couldn't create his own while he was in immigration limbo. I used to be hesitant about joint accounts. I worried about having petty arguments over purchases we didn't agree on, and maintaining a sense of independence was important to me.
Fortunately, we've found having one account keeps us both accountable for our spending habits. My husband has admitted he's reined in on casual purchases compared to when we had separate accounts, and I'm also more careful about what I buy. Plus, it's nice to see all our earnings in one place. It makes me feel like we're more unified.
My husband has since received his permanent residency and found a new job here in Canada. We're now earning a similar amount and still share an account. I'll be honest — it's a relief not to be the sole earner anymore. Still, I'm grateful for everything I learned during my time as the breadwinner.
I feel more confident in my own earning capabilities, and I feel that my husband and I have become more equal as partners since we've both had the opportunity to step up and provide. We went through a period that often makes or breaks a couple, and I'm thrilled to say it only made us stronger.
