DEAR ABBY: I have cared for my elderly mother in my home for 15 years. I have four brothers who live out of state.
It is harder and harder for me emotionally to see Mom aging and the difficulties that come with it.
My brothers don’t call or visit often. I repeatedly remind them to call Mom regularly because she needs contact, but time and time again they fail us. We are five hours away; they visit only once or twice a year.
In three months, I will be retiring early so I can move back to their state to be closer to them and to allow Mom to see them and her many grandkids and great-grandkids more often.
How do I stop resenting them for not stepping up? I love Mom and have sacrificed so much with pleasure, but I expected others to do better.
— DISAPPOINTED BROTHER IN MISSOURI
DEAR BROTHER: I understand your disappointment, but have you considered that your brothers may have circumstances in their lives that occupy their attention such as wives, families and jobs which prevent their being as present in their mother’s life as you have been?
Calm your anger.
The move you are making may enable them — and their wives and children — to spend more time with her. Before you relocate, however, this is something you should discuss fully with your siblings to ensure that what you are hoping for will happen.
DEAR ABBY: As a 22-year-old gay man, I have tried dating apps to no avail.
One guy was 10 years older than me, ex-military (Air Force) and extremely clingy in the first few hours of texting. He said he was “deeply in love with me,” “wanted a future with me,” etc.
The other guys I tried talking to never tried to keep a conversation going.
I don’t know what to do. Some co-workers and friends I mentioned this to said I should look only at men of my race. I don’t care about race. I have seen many men, regardless of race, be abusive to their partners.
I care about characteristics that make someone enjoyable to be around. What are their hobbies? What direction are they looking to take their career in? How do they operate in the kitchen? Do they keep things tidy? Also, I’m not much for parties, drinking and casual sex.
I would love to find a guy for me, but there aren’t many LGBTQ areas where I am currently. I feel like I’m going to be alone for longer than I hope for.
I’m trying to focus on school and work, but it would be nice to have a special someone. Any advice?
— FAILING AT IT IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR FAILING: Make sure you aren’t using dating apps that are geared toward hookups. Instead, look for those that are geared toward relationships. They are out there.
Also, make it a priority to visit the nearest large city and go to the LGBTQ community center so you can meet new people with similar interests. While I can’t guarantee you’ll find romance, you may make some lasting friends.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
