DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I visited my family with my newborn son, they could not stop talking about how handsome he was — and how much cuter than his sister (my first child, who is 3 years old).
On that afternoon alone, I must have heard the words, “He looks much better than his sister” at least 15 times from my mom and my sisters.
I was hurt and shocked they would say such negative things about a child, but I was just grateful my daughter was not with me. However, I doubt her presence would have stopped them.
Miss Manners, how was I supposed to respond to their negative comments? How do I prevent it from happening again, especially when my daughter is with me?
GENTLE READER: Grasp your new infant warmly, look deep into his eyes, and, with an appropriately silly expression, say, “They don’t mean it! Your sister was a beautiful baby, too! Yes she was! Yes she was!”
After 15 repetitions on both sides, everyone will be exhausted and ready for some adult conversation.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am new to online dating, and I’d like your advice on how to respond to “likes” when you’re not interested.
I feel that some response to a message is appropriate, but I don’t want to give people the wrong idea. I also don’t really want to get into long conversations with those who don’t seem to be a good match.
Does it make a difference if they just send a “like,” with no message? Or if they are outside my listed age range?
I’m surprised and grateful that others are interested, and I want to treat everyone respectfully. Any suggestions?
GENTLE READER: This is an area where the etiquette — such as it is — is still evolving. But Miss Manners will try to assist.
One of the most confusing aspects of such businesses is that they cross the boundary between the commercial and the social — not just without a thought, but without even realizing there is a distinction.
But in this case, that confusion is useful. The purpose of such sites is, as they would put it, to Meet Someone. So answering that first outreach when you are not interested — whether it was a written message or a mere “like” — will, indeed, give people the Wrong Idea.
Miss Manners therefore recommends against responding, which she justifies by application of the business etiquette rule that you are not required to return calls from strangers seeking to sell you something.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
