You know those on-site collections that streamers like Max put out nowadays that are like, “All the Thanksgiving Episodes of Friends in One Place!” I want Paramount+ to make one of those, but it’s solely the Burger King episodes of The Challenge.
In an old-school throwback, Burger King is the sponsor of this week’s challenge, which means the cast gets a break from hunching over in their tiny hobbit kitchen to make sandwiches with questionable cold cuts and can instead enjoy a pile of Whoppers that have been sitting out in a production tent for three hours.
When the players line up for the daily challenge, they find T.J. situated in front of a crashed hot rod decorated with some fire clip art. He tells the cast that The Challenge has been gearing up to produce this game for years, but only now, on the scenic cliffs of Vietnam, have they secured a location worthy of its spectacle. The game is called “Fire Plunge” and requires each player to “hot-wire” a Burger King flame-grill convertible, drive off a 300-foot cliff Thelma & Louise–style, and finally swim 500 meters to the finish line.
This challenge is built for Jordan, who returns from his swim “all suave,” like he had simply stepped outside to pick up a bottle of Cabernet from the corner shop. In a confessional, he talks about his need for speed and his late-in-life dream to become a professional race-car driver. Look, I’ll take it over another monologue about the joys of parenthood.
Cara Maria, on the other hand, struggles majorly. She makes this big speech about how she wants to prove how far she’s come from the first-generation Fresh Meat II Cara, then proceeds to absolutely whiff the swimming section of the game, electing to leisurely backstroke to the finish. Rachel, who has perpetual middle-school P.E. teacher energy, is personally offended by Cara not taking the challenge “seriously” enough. To quote that insufferable hot dude from Jenn’s season of The Bachelorette, you gotta keep the main thing the main thing.
Kyland also reveals himself to be a somewhat shitty swimmer, exposing a chink in his golden-boy armor. Except, unless the final takes place at SeaWorld, that won’t make much of a difference, especially when Bananas can’t solve a slide puzzle in his advanced age.
Target Derek ends up losing from the guys (straight to the arena), and since Target Jordan won, Target Cory is the only other option for the elimination. Plus, Tori won for the women, which means even if Jordan hadn’t placed first, the outcome would be no different.
We get another bitchy outburst from Rachel, who says she’s “never been more devastated” after losing to Tori. Never been more devastated? (1) It’s not even a girl’s day. (2) There was nothing on the line from an alliance perspective. (3) You didn’t come in last, so there’s no penalty for next week. (4) Has your entire life been so frictionless that coming in second in the Burger King challenge can only be described as devastating? I need what she’s smoking.
The cast descends on their well-earned Burger King feast, where they perform a lively rendition of the Burger King theme song, totally on their own accord and without coercion. Everyone seems to enjoy their room-temperature meat, but I’m surprised that Jenny and Jordan deigned to eat these couch-potato provisions — they seem like the type of hardos that run on Soylent and 17-egg omelets.
Now that the men, with the exception of Derek and Cory, have a pretty good sense that they’ve made it through the last round of cuts, Bananas decides to try to psych out Kyland by opining about how miserable finals are: They’re long, you don’t sleep, they make you wish you had never signed your soul away to MTV, etc., etc. This is a moment where I wish Wes had come out of retirement for 40, because one thing about Wes is he is always down for a mess-around and would have brought more fuel to this fire. Jordan just sits in the corner and offers a wry smile. I want antics!
Back at the mansion, strategic mastermind Jenny thinks she can talk Derek into saving her from targetitude (if he wins), protecting her over one of his two closest allies, Cara and Michele. She hasn’t talked game with him, or really anyone outside of Bananas, all season, yet believes he’s going to be receptive to her Q4 Hail Mary, which she delivers about as tactfully as a Pilates instructor “praising” you for a “great modification.” According to Jenny, Derek owes her safety because eight weeks ago, when she had won the daily, she sent in Cory instead of him. In her revisionist history, she omits the fact that she actually put that decision in the hands of Era IV with a team vote, so she can’t now take credit for prioritizing his safety. Plus, if you want to set yourself up to cash in a favor later in the game, you have to position your decision as if it’s contingent on loyalty or the start of a beautiful working relationship. You don’t get to go quid pro quo after the fact when your leverage has been replaced by desperation and a dream.
Derek rebuffs this weakly executed strong-arm, which Jenny calls “so unfair.” It’s baffling to me that you can have appeared on multiple seasons of a social strategy show and not have picked up an ounce of gameplay expertise. Just like it’s baffling to me that Cara, who’s made appearing on seasons of The Challenge her life’s great work, won’t take a couple of swim classes at her local Y.
Cory and Derek discuss their mutual respect for one another heading into the elimination, and Derek reveals that they’re competing on his late sister’s birthday, invoking his emotions while also fueling him with extra motivation to play on her behalf. Cory FaceTimes with his baby mama and former The Challenge finalist Cheyenne, who tells him he better not have been gone for six weeks just to come home a broke loser.
In the arena, T.J. calls down the unlucky guys, and Cory explains that this is his fourth elimination of the season, so the chance to go 4-0 is a huge “opportunity” for him. It’s so corporate-coded, framing a punishment as an opportunity, and T.J., as the classic middle manager, eats it up like a flame-grilled chili cheeseburger.
The game is called “Closing Time” and looks absolutely exhausting. It’s a classic cinder-block puzzle (you know, the ones we played in our youth), not dissimilar from the one that cost Bananas and Nany the title on Ride or Dies, and the players must carry 48 patterned cinder blocks from one side of the arena to the other, avoiding getting crushed by a guillotine during their travels. The puzzle is two-sided, creating The Challenge 40 logo on each side. The catch? You must place your puzzle pieces directly on your small platform until you’ve retrieved them all, meaning you can’t start working out the image in the surrounding sand, which can cause clutter and confusion if you aren’t strategic.
Lack of strategy is where Cory falters. As expected, he can easily carry four blocks at a time while Derek settles for one or two, but in reality, carrying the blocks is the easy part. Derek immediately locks in with an efficient plan of attack, carefully selecting which blocks he carries when so that he can start building his puzzle in real time. Not only does this give him time to rest in between trips, it prevents him from overcrowding his platform and losing the plot.
Derek wipes the floor with Cory, who takes the loss in stride as he prepares for Cheyenne to execute him. He’s at peace — after tasting Burger King’s flavor-packed new offerings, he knows what his final meal will be.
When it comes to choosing targets for what will probably be the last women’s elimination of the regular season, Derek chooses Rachel, Jenny, and Cara Maria, who gave him her blessing earlier. She felt Michele had already gone in her fair share and wanted to be a good friend to Derek by easing that guilt from his mind. Making yourself vulnerable the week that you have a time penalty is bold, and it has me conspiracy theorizing that maybe Cara wants to go home before the final. We saw a scene at the bar earlier this episode where Michele told her not to throw in the towel when they’re almost at the end of the game, which could allude to conversations we haven’t been privy to.
Before dismissing his students, T.J. announces that the class is going on a field trip. They’re changing locations, and they’re headed somewhere “less green.” Where could that be? Iceland? Qatar? My savings account?
