Asking your kids to buy you luxury underwear may seem awkward, but as long as the gift isn’t for sex stuff, it shouldn’t be. Remember: the discomfort your children may feel when they buy you sexy underwear doesn’t hold a candle to the discomfort your balls experience daily due to your genital psoriasis.
1. Ask your kids if they heard about the new “Buy Your Dad Silk Boxers To Help His Red And Itchy Ballsack” TikTok challenge
Tell your children that you saw a video where a group of kids went out to a nice department store to buy their dads the most expensive boxers there. Highlight the fact that everyone in the comments agreed that there was nothing awkward about the situation, because the dads weren’t planning to wear the underwear to look sexy—they were just hoping to make their skin conditions more bearable.
2. Give your kids a $350 gift card to Nordstrom with a clipping of a peer-reviewed article about managing genital psoriasis
Although you can suggest to your kids that they can pool their money to get one special gift for you, the underwear’s $350 price tag may still be a little steep, especially if some of your kids are still in elementary school. Help them out by giving them a gift card to buy you a present with, and help them even more by giving them a printout of an article from a highly reputable medical journal stating that patients with genital psoriasis should choose looser fitting boxers made of materials like silk in order to create a breathable environment for their genitalia. If your kids have any sort of intuition, they’ll put two and two together, and your shaft will feel relief in no time.
3. Remind your kids that high quality items become family heirlooms
If one parent has psoriasis, the child’s risk of psoriasis is 15 percent. Remind your kids that dropping $350 on a pair of underwear might seem crazy now, but a pair made of real silk is much more likely to last long enough to alleviate their future genital rashes. It’s a solution that’s not just good for your dry, crackly penis—it’s good for everyone.
4. Email your family a link to the exact pair of underwear you want, then follow up saying “Oops,” then follow up saying, “Actually these look pretty good,” then follow up again saying, “And it wouldn’t be weird to buy these for your dad, because he’s not going to use them to look sexy for your mom, he’s just going to use them for their moisture-wicking properties”
If that doesn’t do the trick, you might just have to suck it up and buy yourself some silk underwear.
