DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I’m happily married, my husband wants to retire abroad, and I want to stay in the UK. I think he’s having a late-life crisis.
We’ve been arguing about it, and he’s now said he’ll emigrate alone if I won’t go.
I’m 65 and he is 67. We’ve been married for 30 years.
He has always hated the climate in the UK. He says he wants to spend his remaining years somewhere hot and beautiful.
He’s been researching various countries and their passport requirements, and looking at property to buy.
But my life, friends and family are all here.
And I worry about the cost of healthcare if we live somewhere that doesn’t have the NHS. Neither of us is in the best of health.
He’s adamant that he’ll move with or without me.
When I tell him my concerns, he says not to worry. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve reached a stalemate.
The only option, if you want to remain married, is compromise.
Perhaps you could suggest downsizing in the UK and then buying a place abroad to spend the winters in, rather than making a permanent move.
You could also propose renting out your home for a year and have a trial run. Your concerns are valid.
Good healthcare and social support are vital, especially as you get older.
Think about couple’s counselling, so you can thrash out your differences about this in a safe space.
See my How Counselling Can Help support pack.
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