DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner for three years. We met on a dating site but were not able to get together often because of prior plans and vacations we both had scheduled. I have now found out that his prior obligations were with another woman he was seeing.
Before we became intimate, which was six weeks into our relationship, I asked if he was dating anyone else. He said no. I asked again another time, and he said no. Even though we weren't able to see each other often, I believed we were exclusive. Now I know he was seeing her for two months before we met and for three months after. He was intimate with her also. Abby, they took a 10-day trip together two months after we met. He says he broke up with her shortly after the trip.
I feel confident that he has been faithful since then. I found all of this out by looking through his old emails. Otherwise, he would have kept lying about it. I had asked him several times if he went on the trip alone, and he always said he did. I fell in love with him, and we have been living together for a year. I am having a difficult time forgiving him and don't even know if I should. — DEFLATED IN ARIZONA
DEAR DEFLATED: Your boyfriend lied to you consistently about the fact that he was involved with another woman. If you hadn't looked at his old emails, you still wouldn't know the person you have been living with. Have you been checked for STDs? If you haven't been, contact your doctor and make an appointment. You say you are "confident" he isn't seeing any other women now. Why are you confident? This man has a roving eye and trouble telling the truth. If you are looking for a faithful husband, he isn't it.
DEAR ABBY: I treated myself to a facelift several years ago, and I'm very pleased with the results. However, I don't like revealing this to people. I believe it's personal and my own business, even if it's evident because of my age.
The problem is people who feel the need to delve into my life for whatever their reasons and, once they find out through logic, I become the topic of conversation and ridicule. I have been hurt deeply, embarrassed and made the fool several times, and I have no idea why anyone would care.
I respect and love my husband and don't flaunt myself at men, but I have been accused of it. It's hurtful because I am a "people person," and I find the criticism and mockery to be cruel. I'm at a loss about how to handle this other than to hide in my home. Please give me some advice. Thank you. — LOOKING GOOD IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR LOOKING GOOD: There is nothing shameful about wanting to look your best. Many women (and men) who can afford it avail themselves of cosmetic surgery. You have already been "unmasked" by these jealous people, so you might as well smile, stand up straight and own it. Because your result was so good, you might even offer to share the name of your surgeon. Hiding hasn't worked, so step out and be proud. You paid for that face. Put it out in public!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
