Harriette Cole: The pressure on me to look a certain way is overwhelming

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have struggled with body image issues for years, even though I was always fit before getting married.

My husband and I had a baby soon after marrying, which caused me to gain weight, and I’ve been struggling with it ever since.

Despite trying various diets — like low-carb, intermittent fasting and calorie deficits — I often find myself returning to high-carb foods.

Recently, the pressure to look a certain way has become overwhelming. Whether it’s from social media or comments from others, I feel constantly judged.

I want to focus on self-love and acceptance, but it’s difficult to quiet the negative voices in my head. I’m searching for ways to feel confident in my own skin and break free from these insecurities.

— Body Image Insecurities

DEAR BODY IMAGE INSECURITIES: One important fact for you to consider is that your body will continue to change throughout your life. That is natural.

Having a baby changes your body dramatically, and often the “new you” is never quite like the you from before giving birth. That is not bad; it’s just true.

It is smart to eat well and exercise, but also to give yourself grace and acknowledge that your body is an ever-changing landscape, and that’s OK. It’s normal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has become consumed by social media and seems to measure her worth by the number of likes and comments she receives on her posts.

Initially, she just wanted to learn how to use social media to promote and sell her collections, such as bags and shoes, but it’s now affecting her self-esteem. My family and I have noticed that she’s becoming increasingly anxious and withdrawn whenever her posts don’t perform as she expects.

While I understand my daughter’s desire to succeed online, I want to help her develop a healthier relationship with social media and encourage her to focus more on real-world connections and accomplishments. I want to offer guidance, but I don’t want to seem dismissive of her goals.

How can I help her manage her social media use while fostering a more positive outlook on herself and her work?

— Social Media Pressure

DEAR SOCIAL MEDIA PRESSURE: I believe that the biggest challenge to positive self-esteem today is social media.

People of all ages who engage in an online presence seriously grapple with the amount of attention they receive and what it means to their business, their psyche and their lives.

You mentioned that your daughter uses it for her business. Encourage her to share with friends, colleagues and others she meets in person that she has an online store. Balancing the personal with online can help her to connect to actual people.

She may also want to choose times during the day when she will not be connected to social media and create a discipline for when she fully engages.

Unfortunately, the reality is that if she needs social media to drive her business, she may not be able to detach from it as much as you would recommend.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.