There are 8,760 hours every year, and the average person will spend about 1,992 of them at work, or more than a fifth of their lives. Your relationship with your job is usually defined by your relationship with your coworkers and your boss—especially your boss, who has a lot of control over your day-to-day experience at your job, and thus a lot of control over one-fifth of your life (or more). A toxic boss can make life a misery.
When your boss is openly campaigning to get rid of you, it’s bad enough—but at least you know what’s happening. Sometimes a boss doesn’t want to come out and fire you, so they decide to manage you out instead. “Managing out,” sometimes called “quiet firing,” is a technique wherein your boss makes your job so intolerable you voluntarily quit, saving them the trouble of justifying your termination. It can make you miserable, but you can at least take steps to protect yourself. Here’s what you can do if you’re being managed out of your job.
The first step in defending yourself from being managed out of your job is to recognize the signs that it’s happening. While these might seem obvious in a list (or in retrospect), in reality, they can often happen subtly, over a period of time. Here’s what to look for:
Negative dynamic. You don’t have to be besties with your boss, but in a normal, functioning work environment there’s at least a superficial sense of camaraderie. If your boss becomes unexpectedly (and inexplicably) cold and hostile toward you, it might indicate that you’ve become a problem they’d very much like to go away all by itself.
Reduction of responsibility. If you’re being given less to do, not being invited to meetings, and left off of email chains and Slack chats, your first reaction might be to enjoy the extra time and reduced stress. But this is often the result of a manager hoping you’ll take the hint and go away. Check in with your co-workers: If they’re just as busy as ever, or busier, that’s a clear sign you’ve been cut out.
Lack of reward. If you haven’t received a raise or promotion—or even a compliment—in some time, it could be a sign that your manager has checked out on your career and is just hoping you move on to a new role somewhere else.
Micromanaging. A manager who suddenly scrutinizes everything you do and comes up with regular lists of complaints and errors made might be making it clear that you’re not wanted. Good managers will usually try to help an employee address mistakes or missing skills instead of simply making them feel incompetent—if there’s no support, only constant disdain, they might be sending you a message.
Impossible tasks. Your manager hasn’t said anything negative, but they’ve given you performance goals or tasks that no one could possibly meet? They might be hoping you give up and move on.
If you see one or more of these signs, you might be in the midst of a campaign to manage you out. Here’s what you need to do.
Your first step is to try to determine what’s changed—why your boss is suddenly eager for you to go away. The most efficient way to accomplish this is to set up a meeting with your boss, framed either as a formal performance review or a more informal check-in. While your boss probably won’t outright admit they want you to quit, you might be able to at least figure out why you’re suddenly unwanted.
This is crucial because some reasons for being managed out can be addressed. If budgets have shrunk, and your boss is trying to cut heads without having to fire someone, you might offer to take on extra duties, or find a way to transfer to a different project or department—and they might even help you do so, since it would solve their problem. If there’s a performance-related reason for the animosity that hasn’t made it into your reviews, that might also be addressable, and if your boss doesn’t think you’re capable, you might be able to change the tone of the conversation by having a plan to upskill. And it’s always possible that the quiet firing is due to some kind of misunderstanding that has led to a personal animosity, and the air could be cleared.
If there’s no clear answer and the only thing your conversation confirms is that your boss would be happy to see less of you, there’s value in that certainty, at least.
Whether there’s a discrete reason behind the quiet firing or not, you should immediately begin documenting everything at work. Take notes, establish written confirmations of all conversations, and force your boss to state things explicitly in written form. If they give you unreasonable goals verbally, for example, follow up with an email restating those goals, stating your objections to them, and requesting confirmation.
This sort of documentation will become very important if your quiet firing becomes louder, and will be crucial if you suspect you’re being managed out for illegal reasons—like your age, or because of special needs in the office. While taking your concerns about being managed out to Human Resources or your boss’s boss is unlikely to improve the situation because it’s often going to be your word against theirs, if you intend to make your case that way, you’ll need all the substantiating documentation you can gather.
Alternatively, if you determine that you can address the reasons behind your boss’s hostility, this documentation can help make the case that you’re meeting performance goals or offering a solid return-on-investment in exchange for your salary and benefits.
Being forced out of a job due to a hostile environment is called Constructive Dismissal, and you might be able to take legal action. But these claims can be very difficult to prove, so you’ll need a lot of detailed records if you think you might want to go down that path.
Whether you want to fight for your job or not, realizing that you’re being managed out of a job at least offers you some time to maneuver. You should immediately prepare for the worst-case scenario:
Get your finances in order. If you don’t have an emergency fund, start stashing money away while you still have income, pay down debt, and make an emergency budget.
Get your data in order. You can’t take proprietary information with you, but you should start preparing to hang onto useful stuff like emails, contact lists, and research that could benefit you down the line. Be cognizant of legal and contractual restrictions, but if you’re able to take data with you, have it already downloaded and exported.
Gear up for a job hunt. Even if you plan to fight for your job and think you can fix your relationship with your boss, freshen your resume and start networking in case you have to find a new position.
Figure out references. If your boss is pushing you out, they might not be the best source for a reference. Think about who else you can list as a reference for potential employers.
Consider guidance. Even if you know your boss is being unfair, quiet firing can be very psychologically and emotionally challenging. A therapist, career coach, or mentor can help you maintain your equilibrium while dealing with the situation.
Being managed out of a job can be stressful and unpleasant. But if you take steps to find out why you’re being subjected to a quiet firing and to protect yourself, you’ll at least feel a bit more in control of the situation.
