DEAR DEIDRE: MY first attempt at sex with my husband was so painful I’m afraid to try again.
I’m 24 and he is 25. Our wedding was an arranged marriage. I thought I was having
problems because I didn’t like my husband very much at first, but now I know him, I really do love him.
My parents keep asking when I’m going to get pregnant but the truth is, we haven’t had sex yet and we’ve been married almost a year.
Every time we try, my muscles seem to clench up. I can’t relax. My husband has been so gentle but as soon as we try intercourse it is so painful, I could scream.
Our relationship is good in every other way except for in the bedroom.
I really want our marriage to work out but my husband might leave me if I can’t sort this out. Can you help me?
Deidre says: Your initial anxiety has triggered the condition vaginismus – the muscles tense up and make sex near-impossible.
Your strict upbringing may also not have helped because you’ve never felt liberated enough to enjoy a sexual relationship.
Talk to your husband about him needing to be patient while you learn more about your body.
There are self-help techniques to try. Learn to touch yourself, using lubrication if needs be, on those intimate areas and learn what feels good. You can then show your husband.
My support pack Self Help For Painful Sex explains more.
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