I’m torn up after finding my husband’s secret stash on his laptop

DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND a secret file on my husband’s laptop.

I was looking for our insurance policy but I’m not so good with computers so when I found a file called X on the home screen, I clicked on it.

There were lots of photos on there of different women with hardly any clothes on. I searched for the names through my phone and found they were all on a website where you pay for sex.

I confronted him and he broke down in tears and told me he’d been having sex with women he didn’t know. I was blindsided. He said, “Don’t worry. I never used my own name”.

We sat and cried and he said it was both of our faults. We hadn’t had sex for a couple of years and we had grown apart. He insisted the women meant nothing.

I’m 56 and my husband is 61. I don’t understand how these people can sleep with somebody when there’s no emotional connection.

I wanted him to leave but he wouldn’t go, saying he had nowhere to go.

So he’s still living with me and has begged me not to give up on our relationship. He says it will never happen again but I feel so betrayed.

Deidre says: Yes, of course you do. Your husband sounds remorseful though and you can get your relationship back on track if you’re both prepared to invest in refreshing and renewing your commitment to each other.

If the lack of sex was his reason for leaving, he should have talked to you rather than cheating.

You’re not too old to still be having a loving and caring sex life so if the menopause is your reason for going off the intimacy, please talk to your doctor.

If it is a communication breakdown, insist that you are both honest about why it has come to this.

My support packs called Cheating – Can You Get Over It? and Love And The Mature Woman will help you.