Courtesy of Maria Polansky
My husband and I did pretty much every wedding tradition in reverse when we got married three years ago.
Though the low-key proposal came first, I got my engagement ring and had my bachelorette party after the wedding. We also did several things that went against Western wedding norms during the process: we had a simple registry office wedding where we walked down the aisle together, I kept my last name, and I opted for colored gemstones over diamonds in my ring.
Some of these decisions were circumstantial. We got married during the peak of the pandemic, so we couldn't have had a big celebration even if we wanted to. Others were based on our personal preferences. I've never considered myself a traditional person, and I knew I wanted to do things that felt right for me when it came to marriage.
Technically, I was the one that proposed. We're an international couple, which means immigration law dictates our ability to be together physically. I had moved to the UK (where my husband is from) on a two-year working holiday visa, but I knew I'd eventually need another visa for us to stay together long-term.
I didn't want to accrue student loan debt with a student visa and wasn't eligible for a work visa, making a family visa my only option. We hadn't been living together long enough to qualify for the unmarried partner visa, so I asked my then-boyfriend if he would consider marrying me. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, so we decided to go for it.
For me, the most important thing was us being together, which is why I was perfectly happy with our quiet COVID-era wedding. I'd never dreamt of having a big, traditional wedding; I'm an introvert who struggles with party planning. We decided to walk down the aisle together because we liked the idea of entering our marriage as equal partners — a practice I've since learned is standard in Sweden and other Nordic countries.
I also decided to keep my last name following the wedding. I didn't want to deal with the logistics of changing a name in two countries in addition to visa paperwork, and I wanted to keep the name that reflected my heritage. My husband fully supported my decision.
We also chose my engagement ring later because we were focused on securing a wedding date during the pandemic, which was no small feat. Once things were settled, my husband encouraged me to choose the design I'd want to wear for the rest of my life. I've always preferred colored and iridescent gemstones to diamonds, so I selected a ring featuring our two birthstones: opal (mine) and emerald (his).
The ring arrived on the day of my bachelorette party, which my friends hosted for me once COVID restrictions slightly eased. It felt funny to do things in reverse, but as the wedding taught me — the most important thing is simply being with the people you love.
We have spoken about having a bigger celebration, but we know it would be extremely difficult to plan with our family and friends living all across the globe. I won't be upset if it never happens, because it won't take away from our love for each other. When I think about our wedding day, I love that it was so intimate and relaxed. It felt like the perfect reflection of our relationship. My only regret? Not finding a way to sneak our dog into the ceremony.
