How do I tell my estranged aunt about my father’s terminal diagnosis?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY father has been given weeks to live but how can I tell his sister-in-law, my aunt, what’s going on when she’s not talking to me?

She was drunk when she lost her cool at my mother’s funeral and started screaming that she wanted to die with her sister.

She even tried to leap into the hole in the ground and the vicar had to step in. It was shocking.

Mum passed away three years ago and we’ve barely had any contact since. I think she’s embarrassed because she let herself down.

She was always close to my father but she won’t take my calls and she won’t answer texts. Another aunt has told her that dad is now sick but she’s in denial.

Dad is 71 and I’m a 46-year-old woman.

Should I arrange to go and see her before it’s too late? Dad keeps asking for her.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry your father is so poorly. In answer to your question, yes you should. Your dad would like to see her and it may be her chance to reconnect with the family. 

If she doesn’t answer the door, have a pre-written letter or card and tell her that your dad needs to see her.

If there are no hard feelings about her behaviour at your mother’s funeral, don’t mention it but explain that you miss her now that you’ve lost your mother.

My bereavement pack may help you and other family members as it explains the things we sometimes feel when we lose somebody we love.