Dear Eric: My partner and I plan to host our wedding in our home state (across the country from where we live now) since most of our family is there and it makes more logistical sense.
Rather than invite our friends in our new state, we thought it’d be fun to have a separate party for them here, which will also keep costs for the real wedding down. We also don’t want to put a travel burden on people.
Would it be tacky to display photos from the “real” wedding at the second party? I don’t want people to feel left out but it seems like the best solution to “include” everyone.
– Double I Do’s
Dear Double: Provided you don’t label the photos “Pics from Our Real Wedding,” your idea is a lovely gesture.
Friends of mine had three celebrations for their wedding, each with friends and relatives in different states. They were unique gatherings that served as a testament to the far reach of my friends’ connections. We were excited to see what they got up to in the other locales.
You might even want to include information about both weddings on your wedding website, with links for folks to see photos from both events. This way everyone understands the intention and feels included in one big, multistate, multipart celebration. Congrats and have twice the fun.
Dear Eric: I have rented a room in my home to a woman for the past year. Her finances are limited. I charge her $400 per month versus the going rate in my area of $1,000.
Per the rental agreement, I pay two-thirds of the utility bill, and she pays one-third.
She spent this past summer visiting family. When she returned, she told me she would not pay any of the utility bill for the time she was away because she “was not here.”
I don’t like confrontations, so I let it go. But I find my opinion of her character has become somewhat negative. Am I wrong on this?
– Billing Inquiry
Dear Billing: This seems more of a communication challenge than a character issue.
She should have discussed her plan with you before leaving, not after, but I can see her logic – why pay for utilities she didn’t use? Presumably the bill was lower anyway.
Additionally, as you noted, her finances are tight, so she may have shifted some of the budgeted utility expense over to her travel fund.
If you want her to pay a share of the utilities no matter what, you should say so up front. Or make utilities included, since presumably most of her rent payment is profit.
However, I’d caution against nickel-and-diming this issue. After all, your question was not about money but character, so I’m assuming the cost for the utilities you used wasn’t a hardship to you. Your time and hers would be better spent having a conversation about expectations going forward.
Dear Eric: I read the column from “Invisible Dad,” who felt left out of his family life. I have a suggestion.
When my dad retired, he began to write a newsletter every couple of months catching up members of our extended family with what was going on in other members’ lives.
He would call a few family members from time to time and “interview” them as to what they had been doing, etc., eliciting any news that they had that they wanted to share. He would do this periodically, rotating among members. He would then write up the interviews and send everyone copies of the typewritten newsletter (though of course now it could easily be done digitally).
It was a wonderful way for our far-flung family to stay in touch, so I hope this might be something that would not only brighten Invisible Dad’s life but would also help the rest of his family stay in better touch. And best of all, it would be a great way to involve him more with his family.
– All the News
Dear All the News: What a wonderful gift your dad gave your family. As someone who writes a personal newsletter every week, mostly for fun, I love the way it allows me to stay connected with friends and strangers. It’s a great idea for families.
I’d also suggest recording interviews with family members. I’ve found them to be invaluable documents of both history and feeling and they can be done right on your phone.
Dear Readers: No matter how you’re spending time this weekend, I hope you’ll take the opportunity to reach out to someone meaningful in your life, be it by phone or in person, and let them know you’re grateful for them. I’m grateful to spend this time with you every day.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
