Frazao Studio Latino/Getty Images
I ended my nearly 13-year marriage in January 2020 without any interest in dating. But I met someone new in September, and we started seeing each other two months later.
Before things got serious, I wasn't sure how to describe our relationship. My ex-husband was also my first long-term relationship. We "dated" for three months, and I moved into his home three days after we met. We then quickly got married. In many ways, I had always been a wife who had a husband.
So, with my new situationship, I had no idea how to label it. While we were only in the early stages of seeing one another, I was already deeply committed. We even signed a lease together a few months later, in March. But I didn't know what to call the man in my life, who I considered the man in my life.
Ultimately, we decided to call each other "partners," but not everyone liked that term.
When he suggested "partner," I liked how it felt. A partner is someone who walks through life side-by-side with you and who has your back in your highest and lowest moments. A partner is your rock. The word "partner" feels adult and right to me.
I stumbled over the word at times, especially early on, because up to that point, I had associated it with LGBTQ+ relationships and didn't want to appropriate a word that wasn't mine to use.
A trip to Europe late in the summer of 2021 changed everything. Nearly everyone described their other half (a phrase I don't like at all) as their partner — whether they were married or not, in straight or gay relationships.
The word was interchangeable with husband, wife, spouse, boyfriend, and girlfriend — especially among people in their 30s and older.
At that point, I enthusiastically adopted it. Since we spend half the year in France, it didn't seem odd to adopt the term, but alas, back in the US, that hasn't always been true.
I have found that older couples (typically ages 40 and up) in the US have had the strongest reactions to one of us introducing the other as a partner.
I can only assume this is because, for a long time, the term was primarily associated with LGBTQ+ couples who couldn't legally marry. Therefore, many people have to reconcile an older idea being applied to something they've understood in another way.
No one has ever been rude about it, but we've caught some raised eyebrows and a few "whats" or "whys" in response to the word choice. I've been asked, "Boyfriend or husband?" in response to using the word "partner," and huffed at when I repeated it instead of swapping the word for something more palatable.
But younger people seem like they couldn't care less.
My partner is my partner because, at this stage, he's my person. And that's just what works for us.
