DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, who just got married, has been told by her in-laws that she should buy a brand-new car.
They believe a new car is fitting for the couple’s new life together and have been insisting on it.
My friend feels that a secondhand car is more realistic, especially since her husband just started a new job.
She’s trying to manage their finances responsibly; her in-laws continue to pressure her. They seem to think that buying a new car will reflect well on the family, and they’re not considering the financial strain it could cause.
My friend is feeling torn, caught between respecting her in-laws’ wishes and staying true to her own budget. She’s worried that saying no might strain her relationship with them.
Should she stand by her decision, or is it better to try to please them?
— In-Law Expectations
DEAR IN-LAW EXPECTATIONS: This is what I would say to her: What’s most important is for you and your husband to be on the same page.
Take a good look at your family budget. How much money are you two earning? What expenses do you have? What financial goals are on the horizon? What can you afford to spend on a car? Base your decision on all of these factors.
Do not let your in-laws persuade you to overextend yourselves financially to keep up appearances.
If they persist, invite them to purchase a car for you as a belated wedding present. Otherwise, do your best to ignore their entreaties and build your life with your husband based on your plans, not their projections.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently working hard to complete my MBA degree, but the people around me are telling me to stop because of financial constraints. They say I should take a break to avoid the stress and costs.
I’ve been juggling work almost day and night to make this happen, determined to finish my degree. I even have plans to pursue a Ph.D. afterward, which is a dream I’ve had for a long time.
It’s been challenging, but I believe it will be worth it in the end.
Still, their constant discouragement is starting to wear on me. They think I’m pushing myself too hard and that I should settle for less.
Should I keep going with my goals, or should I consider their advice and take a step back?
— Pursuit Pressure
DEAR PURSUIT PRESSURE: Have you created a plan for your life that looks at the next five to 10 years? If not, do so now.
Envision what you want for your life and how your education figures in to your goals. Determine what benefits you believe the MBA will offer you in terms of opportunity and earning power. Similarly, what value will the Ph.D. offer you? Often, that degree can create job security in the education field if you want to teach at a college or university, but there are other applications as well.
After your assessment of the future, review the sacrifices you are making now. Are they worth it? Are you compromising your health? Can you surround yourself with people who support you rather than try to break you down?
Having a team of people who are honest cheerleaders is key as you build your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
