It is sophomore year at Essex College, and I am delighted to guide you through season three of Mindy Kaling and Justin Nobel’s The Sex Lives of College Girls! I solemnly swear I will keep my complaints about the unrealistic portrayal of college life to a minimum, despite my long years working in academia. Last season left off with a lot of loose threads that need to be tied up, and with the knowledge that Reneé Rapp is leaving the show, you can feel how hard they are working in this episode to get through all the things from last season to set us up with some new hotties, enemies, and friends.
One of my favorite things about this show has always been how well they get this specific kind of friendship at this specific age. Sure, the references often sound like they are straight out of the mouth of a woman in her mid-30s, but feelings are always right — the relief of Leighton coming out to the group, all the little ways they get to know and understand each other better as they get older. So I’m a little annoyed at how rushed this first episode is, and how little it earns the emotional resolution it is going for. Frankly, I’m of two minds about it: If I want to be churlish, I don’t know why this arc has to be so rushed. I assume it is to allow space for the girls to make up so they can say good-bye to Leighton as a foursome, which is just so dramatically inert that it depresses me. It would be much more fun to watch this foursome figure out how to say goodbye to one of their core members while at odds with each other. But alas, I am simply a humble recapper, so let me get to it!
Let’s start with Whitney and Kimberly, who have not spoken since last summer, despite Kimberly’s few attempts to reach out. She and Canaan haven’t slept together yet, causing MVP Lila to wonder, “Why is this betrayal so chaste??” And indeed, when we see Kimberly and Canaan back at Sips, they are a little awkward around one another. There is a risk you take when you put possible sex on hold for months! Bela and Leighton confess that not only do they have a separate group chat (ouch!), but they have also been having separate lunches with Whitney, and Bela mentions they went to visit Whitney in Washington, D.C., over the summer — and had dinner with Kamala! (And Doug, for the record.) With that final application of salt in the wound, Bela and Leighton tell Kimberly she needs to fix this ASAP.
Meanwhile, Whitney is living in Kappa house, having agreed to join last year. It seems Whitney is the only person on earth who has no idea how sororities work? She skips all the house bonding activities and seems shocked to learn they are mandatory — which, I’m sorry, but duh? Aside from the good shower products, not much about the sorority is speaking to Whitney. That is, until Kimberly appears with an apology caboodle, something I would have taken as a declaration of war. The sorority sisters overhear Whitney yelling and come right to her defense. “I would never speak ill of women … but if you did that to your friend, you are a cock-gobbling skank,” one of them spits, and they chase Kimberly right out of the foyer. She leaves the caboodle on the porch. It’s probably still there if anyone needs!
At the Y2K party, Kimberly and Canaan sneak off to finally do it … but they can’t. First, while making out, Kimberly asks, “How’s your mom?” and then remembers they have to restock the toilet wands tomorrow morning. They both feel weird about it, and moreover, Kimberly just can’t sleep with her bestie’s ex. Like most things in this episode, this feels a little rushed and convenient, but it is at least believable that Kimberly wouldn’t be able to sleep with Canaan. They return to the party, where Bela pushes Whitney and Kimberly into a supply closet and demands they return as friends.
And, because Kimberly didn’t sleep with Canaan, they can. Of course, the lie is what Whitney can’t get over, and Kimberly does a decent job of apologizing, owning that she was not thinking about Whitney at all and that their friendship is more important than Canaan and any accidental below-the-waist touching that may or may not have happened while cleaning the pastry case. Also, Whitney is dying to move back in, so I suppose we can consider the sorority plot wrapped up here.
Bela, having been informed by Rose Adobo that her 1.8 GPA is far too low to transfer, has decided that instead of leaving, she will be undergoing an entire personality overhaul. She will no longer be doing comedy, nor will she be leading with her sexuality. Instead, she will be a FAF, taking over for Frude, who contracted pneumonia over the summer and will be heading back to Sweden. Bye, Frude, I loved your name! She has a rough FAF start, announcing herself as she runs into her first meeting like she’s in the WWE, then gets entirely walked over by Taylor, an English freshman who is clearly being set up as some nemesis for Bela — because, well, Bela wouldn’t be Bela if she wasn’t at odds with someone! I am fully team Bela, especially after Taylor stands to announce that “the Essex tradition of a didactic older person talking about ‘the good old days’ is a little bit antiquated.” Strangely, all the fellow freshmen are nodding along to this speech, as if having an upperclassman who tells you which shower stall has better water pressure is some horrible ordeal. But after Bela forces Whitey and Kimberly to make up, Leighton tells Bela that she might make a good FAF after all. Let’s hope!
And of course, we still have to lay the groundwork for Leighton’s exit. She returns to campus with Alicia and her dad, who is still troublingly addicted to his alma mater, after a summer of “backpacking.” Alicia feels compelled to point out that their trip does not count as “backpacking” as they had a driver and stayed exclusively at luxury hotels. It sounds like the only kind of backpacking I personally could handle, but I understand that my community (lesbians) may differ. All seems well for these lovebirds until Alicia gets a call and asks Leighton to pull over so she can take it privately. “If you think she’s talking to some other girl, you’re wrong. I mean, that was my first thought, too, but I just didn’t want your mind to go there,” Mr. Murray chimes in helpfully from the backseat. It seems a little too on the nose to have the issue be cheating, but something is definitely suspicious! Turns out it was the newly elected mayor of Boston, and Alicia is leaving Essex to work for her. Leighton, if you can believe it, doesn’t love this, nor does she react well to it! Look, does it seem bonkers that the incoming mayor of a major city would give a full-time gig to a college sophomore? Of course! But we’re going with the flow!! Leighton, true to herself, picks a fight and then ignores Alicia until the Y2K party, where she looks, according to Kimberly, “hotter than a news anchor.” Alicia wants to take this job, and she loves Leighton, so the only way this relationship is going to end is if Leighton ends it. There is just the slightest look of surprise and joy on Leighton’s face after Alicia says she loves her; it’s very sweet. She loves Alicia too, and doesn’t want to break up. They agree to take it day by day.
However, something else is happening for Leighton, which is the reality of Essex’s math department. The advanced math course she signed up for didn’t get enough enrollment to run for the term, and it’s kind of sweet to hear Leighton be bummed that she doesn’t get to learn about fiber bundles and sequences. Her professor suggests she take a course at the grad school nearby, which allows for a scene of Leighton on a bus chatting to Fortune Feimster, who apparently ruins the idea of ever taking the bus again for math classes. If you are wondering why a woman who hired a car to travel through Europe is on the bus in the first place? Well, it’s so she can go to her professor with her complaint and so he can tell her that Essex is not the place you go if you are into math — but has she heard of MIT? Leighton takes it in. “Like, MIT, MIT? Isn’t that in Boston?” Well, not Boston, technically it is in Cambridge, but — [I am yanked off stage by a large hook]
WHEW. Let’s hope this frantic pace calms down a bit by next week, shall we?
Office Hours
• True to Essex form, as soon as Whitney steps on campus, she makes eye contact with a new shirtless hottie — and he shows up at the Y2K party. I am certain we will see more of this young man!
• “Since January 6, we have a no-tolerance policy for strawberry-blonde women running at me.” Sherri Shepherd’s line readings continue to bolster me with joy.
• Kimberly’s dad purchased a shirt Donald Glover wore on the red carpet to impress her new boyfriend. It is top-notch work, but it was made even better by the fact that she did not introduce them.
• “I’m proud of you, Bela. It’s hard to look in the mirror, realize you are annoying, and want to change.” Kimberly, always keeping it a bit too real.
• Bela confesses her sins to the statue of John Essex only to discover it is not John Essex, but Jacob Meyer Yates, a man who froze to death on the Oregon Trail after eating his family. Ain’t that just like a statue.
• “Who will comfort them when they are homesick? Or spray Narcan in their tiny young nostrils?” Frude loves his job so much.
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