It's been 14 days since the Democrats have had to face the truth.
They stink worse than the Capitol's men's room after Jerry Nadler's lunch of curry clam soup. Poor Jerry.
We've talked about what the winners can do now. What about the losers? And there are losers. But it's not the ones having public meltdowns. They're victims, too.
They're no different than a hypochondriac being told that their pimple is a tumor. I'm talking about the party elites like Jamie Raskin, Adam Schiff or David Muir, the idiots who fueled all those lies.
CNN HOST SAYS LIBERAL MEDIA'S ‘CONSTANT BROWBEATING’ ABOUT TRUMP IS A TOP REASON FOR HIS BIG WIN
So, normally, we don't give advice to people who hate us, but we're only doing this because we want them to be as happy as we are, or at least as bubbly as Brit Hume.
So Dems, you need to ask yourself, where did you get your information from? The people that gave you Trump hoaxes and phony fact checks also gave you the polls that had Kamala fans wasting money on champagne when they should have been buying Prozac in bulk.
The people you trust to give you the news steered you wrong. Why were you allowing yourself to be fooled? It's like when I tell Kilmeade to meet me for lunch, then when he leaves the building, I take a crap in his office drawer.
If you feel deceived, that's not our fault. Blame the media that you relied on. You know those lying sacks of poop that looked you in the eyes each night for the last eight years or so and filled your heads with more poison than an unvented space heater.
So maybe find alternatives. You're off to a great start by watching this show. I've now gained all of Lawrence O'Donnell's former viewers, and I welcome all 12 of you.
Because if you really want to correct your course, you can't do that with a faulty GPS. Take NBC News, who's claiming Trump won due to the diploma divide. In other words, people who voted for Kamala were just more educated and smarter. Well, if that's true, explain this:
CARDI B: One second, guys — one second. | So, I don't take lightly the call — sorry, guys, I'm a little nervous. | She's passionate — she's compassionate. She shows empathy, and most of all, she is not delusional. Yeah. Yeah.
OK, so saying you lost because you were smarter than us is a denial of reality. It's like saying the sky isn't blue, the earth isn't round, or Joy Behar doesn't have a face that would knock a buzzard off a ----wagon.
It's killing your party faster than inviting Chris Wallace to an orgy. When you lose, maybe just admit the winners knew something you didn't. It had nothing to do with credentials or degrees.
Right now, your worldview is upside-down, and really, who wants to look up Hillary's skirt?
So why did Trump win, and even more, why is he surrounded by a rogue's gallery of rebel thinkers? It's because something turned him into a cross between George Washington and Genghis Khan with a splash of Arthur Fonzarelli.
It was you.
Your constant demonization backfired and made him appear appealingly dangerous, so more people began to wonder what the fuss was about and they took a look. And you know what? They really liked it.
Trump has the same effect punk rock did in the '70s: upsetting the bores and attracting the rebels. Suddenly, my Air Supply shirt wasn't getting the ladies.
So maybe try doing something you'd never done: Assume we're acting on our best intentions, not our worst. Stop calling us garbage just because we don't think biology is a social construct.
We aren't trying to hurt anyone. We just want the best for our families. The problem is, you've made your family less relevant than politics, and those muscles of familial concern have atrophied.
Maybe, just maybe, ask what's best for your family, even if you hate them. As an experiment, present their side of the argument to yourself. It's called steelmanning, and it's the opposite of strawmanning, but not quite Peyton Manning.
Finally, start kicking the tires of identity politics. Look at what it actually means, who it really helps and for how long.
Like a line of cocaine at a funeral, you'll see it's a temporary high.
Instead of uniting people, identity politics pits them against each other. It's more divisive than wearing a leopard print thong on safari — I know, I learned that the hard way.
It's a strategy, though, to keep us from focusing together on the real problems and the real culprits. People make money off our conflict.
Those are the people who need an ass-kicking. And on that point, we can join together.
So come on in. The melting pot is warm — I made sure of that.
