Courtesy of River West Photography
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Setu Shah, founder of Financial Doula. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I was as proactive as possible. Even so, I ended up in a financial situation that I just didn't expect.
At my son's birth, I had some complications that led to additional medical costs. A few weeks later, my family had a water leak in our house, leading to expensive repairs. Then, less than three months after I returned from maternity leave, I was laid off.
Luckily, I didn't go into debt but blew through my savings. I also found myself feeling financially dependent on my husband, which wasn't a plan I ever had. I'd always been very autonomous.
Now I work with parents for them to be financially ready before welcoming a baby into their lives.
I am savvy with money but still surprised by the financial realities of my first year of parenthood. I realized other parents — moms particularly — were likely struggling too. I wanted to help parents go into parenthood with a firm understanding of the costs, not just for baby gear and childcare but also for unexpected items that go hand-in-hand with parenting. I started Financial Doula before my son's first birthday.
I've seen that adding a baby to your family can easily cost $2,000 to $3,000 a month, especially if you're hiring childcare. Yet, I encourage my clients to think beyond cost: time becomes even more precious when you become a parent. You have to weigh up the costs of services versus their impact on your life.
Here are the three items that all parents should budget for during the first year and beyond.
Childcare is a massive expense that many parents know to budget for. However, I've learned that first-time parents need to have a lot of flexibility in this budget line.
During the first year, changing child-care situations two or three times is normal. You don't know what will work for you or your baby until you live it. So, if you're planning on family watching your child, budget extra for occasional paid childcare. If you're planning on day care, consider creating a buffer in case you need a nanny. Changing your mind is OK; having financial resources can make that easier.
In the first year postpartum, there are so many small supports that can help parents, especially moms. A lactation consultant, postpartum doula, or sleep coach can significantly improve your quality of life. Yet, I see a lot of people who don't budget for these services because they're expensive and can be seen as wants, not needs. Still, parents need to take care of their physical and mental health.
Next are items that can make running a household easier: things like lawn maintenance, a cleaning service, meal delivery kits, etc. If you have two working parents, these are essential.
Sometimes, women need help in justifying these costs, especially if their male partner is making more money than they are. I try to remind families that having a baby is a combined, joint decision. Investments in items that make housekeeping and childcare easier benefit both parents, not just the mom. Unfortunately, remembering that requires a shift in our cultural mindset.
Having a baby brings a lot of financial stress that many couples haven't faced before. You can never predict all the costs, but having honest conversations about finances and money psychology can help you and your partner understand each other's behavior around money. These questions are a great starting point:
These are questions I consider as we think about having a second baby. Right now, my husband has an intense career where he works long hours outside the home. I'm focused on launching my business. We're spending a lot of time thinking about what a second child might mean for the family as a whole and its impact on each of us individually. If we decide to grow our family, I want to be very clear about the costs — those we can plan for and those we can't predict.
