DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 30 years. Over the last couple of years, a male friend of ours (also married) has taken an interest in my wife.
He obviously finds her attractive, as most men do, but I’m trying to figure out what his intentions are.
He comments to me about her and her body, so if he’s trying to hide his crush on her, he’s not doing a very good job. I know my wife finds him attractive too, although when I mention his name, she shrugs it off and says they’re just friends.
He has a lovely wife and appears to be a devoted husband and father to his grown children.
I know my wife loves me, but his frequent comments are causing me concern.
I don’t always show my wife the attention she deserves, so should I step up my game to avoid someone else doing it? Should I be worried that this man’s intentions are more than “just friendly” and speak up?
— SUSPICIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: You have the right to tell this friend his comments about your wife’s body are inappropriate and you want them stopped.
You also have the right to become a more attentive husband. I’m sure your wife would appreciate it.
I do not think it is necessary to ask this man if his “intentions are more than just friendly.” You weren’t born yesterday, and you already know the answer is yes.
DEAR ABBY: I got out of rehab two months ago. While I was there, I met someone. “Annie” lives in Florida, and I live in California.
We both are doing great, and I believe we make each other stronger.
Do you think a long-distance relationship can work? I hear it’s not possible.
She has recently divorced, and so have I. Annie has two children, 15 and 16, and for this reason, she can’t leave Florida. I have two kids as well, 11 and 16, and can’t leave my state for the same reason.
But our kids will go to college in a few years, and I really care for her.
I know how hard it is to find someone. Over the last three years, I’ve dated 20 women. None of them is anyone I would like to be in a relationship with. Annie is perfect for me.
I said we should take it one day at a time. She has flown out here twice to see me, and I’m going to fly to see her next.
I know this relationship has its challenges. People tell me that anything is possible and that I should see where it takes us. –
– HOPEFUL IN THE DESERT
DEAR HOPEFUL: In three years, Annie’s younger child will be 18. Will her children be off to college? It will be seven years before your younger child is considered an adult. Would Annie be able to move to California when she’s no longer bound by a custody agreement?
I happen to agree with the folks who tell you that anything is possible. It is the truth — as long as you and Annie are prepared for a long-distance relationship in the coming years.
You both have your sobriety that needs to be maintained, children who need support and relationships with exes that may or may not be problematic.
For the foreseeable future, you and Annie should agree to keep your options open and not rule out dating others. If you are meant to be together, it will happen.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
