I can’t move past my anger and resentment for my son-in-law

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my daughter and her partner have an argument, I try hard to help them sort it out because I want them to be happy.

But following a recent big row, I feel he has really crossed a line, and I can’t forgive or forget.

I’m 57 and my wife is 56. Our daughter is 30, her partner, 33 and their son, two. 

I’ve always really liked my ‘son-in-law’ – he’s good company and a good dad. But I’ve also noticed that he has a moody side, and a very bad temper.

Sometimes, he can be childish and entitled.

Last week, he and my daughter had a huge row, and he stormed out of their house.

She rang and asked me and her mum to go over because she was so upset. 

In the meantime, he was messaging me, saying he couldn’t stand her and wanted to break up.

We went round and tried to calm things down but he was incredibly rude to us, calling me an interfering old man.

Since then, things have gone back to normal, and our daughter has forgiven him, but I don’t feel the same about him. 

He’s been sheepish, but he hasn’t apologised to me or my wife – and I think we both deserve one.

She says I’m overreacting and actually making things worse.

I want to go back to feeling like he’s my son-in-law, but I can’t get past my anger and resentment.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your daughter’s partner behaved disrespectfully towards you. 

But you need to accept that you will never get the apology you seek. 

If she has forgiven him, you may just have to as well, or it will affect your relationship with her and your grandchild.

You’re clearly a caring dad and it’s admirable to want to help them sort out their relationship problems. 

However, perhaps it’s time to draw some boundaries so they sort things out themselves in future. 

This doesn’t mean you can’t be there for your daughter. But getting so deeply involved, or rushing over, just creates more issues. 

Instead, suggest that if they need help, they think about couples counselling. Give them my support pack about this. 

It may be helpful for you to talk to Family Lives about your parenting concerns (familylives.org.uk, tel: 0808 800 2222).