Were you under the impression that things couldn’t get more chaotic this week? Well, you’d be wrong. In addition to everything else, 43 monkeys are currently on the loose in South Carolina after escaping from a research facility. This is probably not a good metaphor, right?
According to the Yemassee Police Department in Beaufort County, dozens of primates escaped from the Alpha Genesis research facility on Wednesday afternoon. The company, according to its website, “provides the highest quality nonhuman primate products and bio-research services worldwide.” From what I gather, that means it sells primate blood and tissue samples for research purposes. It’s understandable why the monkeys wanted out.
The monkeys are, according to police, “very young females weighing approximately six to seven pounds,” so their escape can be read as both anti-carceral and feminist. Authorities are working with Alpha Genesis to capture the monkeys by setting up thermal-imaging cameras and traps and attempting to entice the fugitives with food. So far, they have been unsuccessful. Girl power!
“We want to assure the community that there is no health risk associated with these animals,” the Yemassee PD said in a statement on Thursday morning. “A spokesperson from Alpha Genesis can confirm that these animals are too young to carry disease.”
Even though the monkeys won’t transmit the disease from Outbreak, folks in the area are being told to stay away from the escapees. “Residents are strongly advised to keep doors and windows secured to prevent these animals from entering homes. If you spot any of the escaped animals, please contact 911 immediately and refrain from approaching them,” police warned.
That being said, if you’re working at a Cook Out in Beaufort County and a monkey comes to the drive-through, make that little diva a milkshake. She’s earned it.
Related
