DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my husband and I started exchanging spicy pictures I was so excited, but then I discovered he’d been sending the same nudes to another woman at the same time.
I’m 39, my husband is 40, and we’ve been together for ten years.
At the beginning of our relationship, we used to have a great sex life but as we got more settled it all slowed down and we became quite disconnected.
It was only over the last couple months that we started to get back on track.
A friend of mine had suggested introducing sex toys and fancy dress into the bedroom, and to my surprise, it drove my husband wild.
All of a sudden it felt like we were teenagers again, having fun exploring new things in the bedroom.
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Then one day my husband sent me an erotic message while we were at work.
We’d never spoken about sexting before, but I found it to be super-exciting.
Since then we’ve been exchanging spicy messages most days and, on occasion, exchanging nude pictures.
I was enjoying our exchanges until one day he sent me a message calling me by another woman’s name.
He tried to pass it off as a typo, but I couldn’t shake my suspicion.
So when he was in the shower, I went snooping on his phone, and it was then I discovered he’d been sending the exact same photos and texts to another woman.
I’m furious and heartbroken.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Finding out that your partner has cheated is incredibly difficult to process – especially as it happened at a time when you thought things were improving sexually.
This extra layer of confusion will make you feel even more vulnerable.
Ultimately, you need to have a frank talk with him and tell him how you feel.
While it won’t be easy and it will probably mean hearing things you don’t like, you need to get to the route of the issue.
Sexting another woman isn’t right, even if he had no intention of physically cheating, he’s still betraying your trust.
Talk to a counsellor – either alone or with your husband – it will help you navigate this challenging time.
You can arrange this through tavistockrelationships.org.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help too.
