DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T resist picking up other women for sex, even though I have the most wonderful wife at home.
It can be a smile, an inviting gaze or sometimes even just the sight of her arms that sets me off.
My latest betrayal, last weekend, was so wrong. I had sex with a woman after meeting her in a club.
We were flirting at the bar and I knew I’d be kissing her neck by the end of the night.
Afterwards, I found a message and missed calls from my wife. She’d rushed our little boy to hospital with suspected meningitis. I dashed there feeling like a total scumbag.
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I am 29 and my wife is 27. We have been together for five years. Our son is three.
I can’t remember how many times I have cheated since my wife had our son, who was thankfully OK after his health scare.
I made out that I was at a mate’s place and the signal was poor, but I felt so guilty for lying. I know I can’t go on like this. I wonder if it has anything to do with my rough upbringing.
My dad left my mum when they were in their early twenties.
He occasionally showed up with presents — I guess out of guilt. My mum went on to meet someone else, my stepdad. He is not a bad guy, but when he and Mum had two daughters, I felt pushed out.
I know it is not an excuse. I am pathetic.
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I keep feeling as if I should confess to my wife. I am sure she knows something is wrong.
I felt on incredible form after that — in my head we were the most sexy people in the whole room.
I was disappointed as we went home separately to our different halls, and then elated when he started messaging me.
The chat was very sexual and he asked if I fancied playing a little online.
Carried away, I agreed and we stripped off in front of our cameras.
When I woke up and remembered what I’d done that I started to panic.
I hardly know this man and he’s clearly told his friends who start guffawing whenever they see me.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve taken a big step by asking for help and admitting you need to change.
And yes, it is very likely that your childhood may have left you feeling unwanted.
As a result, you’re now on an endless quest to feel loved – but that isn’t an excuse to cheat.
Telling your wife might ease your guilty conscience, but it will land her with a whole load of misery and solve nothing.
It could well cause the break-up of your relationship.
She would be absolutely devastated – and your little boy would be, too.
Face up to the fact you are making a choice every time you have sex with other women.
Change the pattern of your life and keep yourself away from temptation until you can trust your willpower.
My support pack, Can’t Be Faithful?, details where you can get more help.
