Soft ghosting is when someone you’re dating or talking to begins to slowly fade out of your life. While they may still be responding to your texts, their replies become shorter and more distant as time goes on. There is an energy shift, one you don’t recognize until it’s impossible to ignore.
When someone is in the process of soft ghosting you, they don’t reach out to you first anymore. It’s all up to you to keep conversations going (or starting at all). When you ask them to hang out, you will not see them. This is guaranteed. Instead, they will dodge invitations, referencing craziness at work or being too tired to get off the couch. “Another time!” they might offer, but you realize that “Another time” was intentionally vague on purpose. It is a date that does not exist.
So, you stop trying. You put the phone down. You make other plans with your friends, your family. You stay busy at work. You never hear from them again.
Soft ghosting hurts. It’s way worse than someone suddenly going no contact or leaving you on read forever. When someone ghosts you the original way, there is an abrupt sting, but at least you know. You can begin moving on. You can start to heal. You can let them go.
The reason soft ghosting hurts so much more is that you still have hope in the beginning stages. They’re still replying after all. You still trust them and have feelings. You want things to work so badly that you consider that maybe work really is just a mess right now. Maybe they are just worn out and need some time to recoup.
You don’t want to be the person who jumps to conclusions, so you aren’t. You’re understanding, patient, and caring. You give them space. You wait around. You hope.
But after a while, you can’t ignore their distance anymore. After all, you also work and it’s also been insane but you are still finding pockets of time you want to spend with them. So you bring up their behavior. Again, they give you the same, bullshit excuses.
Soft ghosting is as cruel as it is cowardly. If you’re going to soft ghost, please do her a favor and just leave instead. Stop wasting her time and heart. She deserves more than dead ends. She deserves a relationship that is actually going somewhere real. Give her the chance to find it.
