“I feel like I need a HUGE change,” one of my best friends texted me on a Sunday night. Interestingly, she messaged me while I was in the midst of my own existential meltdown. Mid-sob, I replied to her that I was feeling the same way.
I know I’m not living in the way that I want to live. I am unhappy. I feel tired all the time, both mentally and physically. I feel drained of my energy and feel like I have nothing left to give others (or myself).
To be clear, it’s not just because of The Times. While the state of the world definitely isn’t helping my mental health, I’ve been feeling stuck for a while now. What I’m doing isn’t working anymore. But then again, maybe it never really was serving me. But that’s a conversation for another time.
Something in my life needs to change. Drastically and completely. While I have a few ideas and have made a little progress, I definitely am still investigating what it is exactly that needs to shift. This is where a little journey of self-discovery and awareness comes into play, and a great way to do this is by asking some questions.
Each of these is meant to help identify specific, unhelpful behaviors, mindsets, situations, and relationships. Be honest, be specific, be thoughtful. This is your life. You deserve to enjoy it.
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- What’s not working? Is it my schedule? Is it certain relationships that drain me? Is it a dead-end job? Is it my financial situation? Is it a little of all the above? Get specific.
- With everything listed above, which toxicities are within my control to change? Which are not?
- Focusing on what I can control, what exactly needs to change about that particular situation? For example, if it’s constantly feeling broke, is it a matter of getting out of debt? Getting better pay? Improving my spending habits?
- What are small, realistic, and measurable goals I can make to help facilitate the changes I’m seeking?
- Be honest: what is my most toxic trait? How can I work to improve it?
- Do I numb emotions or feel them? How? And why?
- Who do I look up to? Why? Is it their demeanor? Their job? Their friends? Their power? How can I turn my admiration into action?
- When was the last time I truly felt joy? Who was there? What were we doing? What facets from this experience can I implement into my life more?
- When do I feel the most drained? Is it after talking to a certain person? Is it after engaging in a certain unhelpful behavior? Is it mindlessly scrolling through Instagram?
- Am I a morning person or a night owl? How can I best use this knowledge to both protect and expend my energy?
- What could I do to be healthier, both mentally and physically?
- How could someone be a better friend to me?
- How could I be a better friend to others?
- What always makes me feel better?
- What always makes me feel worse?
- What do I regret the most? How can I prevent myself from making that mistake again?
- What is my strongest attribute? How can I use this to my advantage?
- If I could apologize to myself, what would I say? How did I betray myself? And then, how could I make it up to myself?
- Do I struggle with accountability and consistency? How can I work on that?
- What are my values? How am I living to them currently? How am I not living to them currently? What are some ways I can reconcile that gap?
- If romantic love is important to me, what do I look for in a partner? Am I seeking out people who meet those standards? Or if I’m already dating someone, do they live up to those expectations?
- What season of my life do I miss the most? Why?
- Do I adhere more to a fixed mindset or growth mindset?
- Do I give in to instant gratification? If so, how can I work on that?
- How can I show myself more love today, even if it’s something totally small?
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Overall, there are many things we can’t change about ourselves and our lives. But there are always little steps we can take to better our situations a bit. Hopefully, some of these questions helped you identify some good places to start.
