Yvonne Lee-Hawkins
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Yvonne Lee-Hawkins, a 45-year-old burnout coach in Auburn, Washington, about her experience as a manager at Amazon. It's been edited for length and clarity.
I worked at Amazon in the HR space for nearly a decade. Over time, I went from managing zero to 21 direct reports across multiple continents.
Being thrust into a managerial role taught me to use my time efficiently and communicate effectively across a diverse network of employees. It was hard, but ultimately, it made me a better leader.
I truly love and still believe in Amazon, but I struggled to effectively manage nearly two dozen people and quit in April when my physical health was suffering and I was burning out.
I started at Amazon as a senior launch manager in the grocery delivery space. The job was fast-paced, and I was constantly traveling, overseeing the building of new grocery fulfillment centers. In just two years. I completely burned out and decided to switch career tracks. I landed in HR, which I stayed in for the next eight years of my career at Amazon.
I hopped around several HR departments before landing in the heart of HR as a pure business partner in 2019. We had adequate funding, and it was the best-functioning team I've ever been on at Amazon, but I felt there wasn't room to grow.
I'd been at virtually the same level for seven years and was looking for a promotion. So, I left Amazon to work in HR at Blue Origin, another Jeff Bezos company. Due to it being a new startup, it was absolute chaos, and I found myself back at Amazon in another HR role a year later, in 2022.
I was initially hired as program manager of business continuity to help smooth the transition during a massive organizational disruption. I managed mass layoffs and employee redistribution. Then I was unexpectedly appointed as manager for two teams, which included 11 employees based across China, India, and some of Europe.
Managing employees across several different time zones and adding to my preexisting work was difficult.
Previously in my career at Amazon, I had managed a maximum of three to four indirect reports. I always prided myself on giving my people an hour of individual, virtual face time each week to discuss career development, offer support, and get to know them. I used our meetings as an opportunity to learn what skills employees were looking to develop so I could delegate tasks accordingly.
I tried to continue that trend with all 11 of my employees, therefore spending 11 hours a week in individual virtual meetings alone. It was laborious but manageable.
A few months later, a coworker went on maternity leave, and I had to take on her team, leaving me with 21 direct reports. My weekly individual meetings were no longer plausible, so I had to cut them in half.
Taking on so many employees taught me to communicate more effectively, efficiently, and asynchronously since none of my teams resided in the same time zone. I also learned to adjust and diversify my leadership style, not just for so many people but for so many cultures.
I really enjoyed learning more about everyone's cultures to better connect, understand, and lead. Although it was hard, I became a better manager, a better communicator, and a more creative and organized leader.
Unfortunately, compressing my time with each employee was detrimental to the success of my teams.
Our meetings became transactional because we only had time to discuss the most urgent issues. We no longer had time to get to know each other, ask questions, seek advice, or work on career development.
One of my highest-performing reports came to me and said she was transferring teams because she didn't feel like she had enough time and couldn't work on what she wanted. I gave her my blessing because I would've done the same.
I also saw some performance issues popping up on my team because I couldn't give them the dedicated time and feedback they needed to work through problems.
For example, several of my employees were struggling to write white papers. This hurt my heart because my job as a manager is to help people overcome obstacles. When you have less time with team members, they get stuck on things longer, and daily processes slow down.
Managerial skills don't just magically appear, they need to be learned.
Even though I struggled to manage nearly two dozen employees, I feel extremely lucky that I came to Amazon with managerial experience. Before Amazon, I'd worked at Target, where I went through a rigorous management training process.
At the time, Amazon required new managers to complete a self-guided manager training course within 30 days. However, even as an experienced manager, I felt overwhelmed by the number of videos I had to watch. Also, I didn't feel that they were the most effective way to learn.
I started to burn out from the workload. It's ironic because, as an HR partner, I used to tell incoming employees that no one would ever tell them to go home and stop working, but if they had strong boundaries, people would respect them.
That used to be my experience. But I felt responsible for so many people at once, which made it difficult to hold my boundaries.
I also stopped enjoying work. My work felt bureaucratic, and I was so focused on staying on top of each little task that I wasn't contributing to things that were moving the needle. I felt like I couldn't be the manager I wanted to be, which was disappointing. So, I decided to officially quit in April.
I worry about this fallout continuing as Amazon prepares to flatten its organization in January, but I still believe Amazon can be a magical place full of innovation, autonomy, and creativity. It has always been decentralized, which permits people to move very fast if they have funding, supportive leadership, and a clear, shared vision.
Amazon representatives did not respond to requests for comment.
If you have experience as a manager in Big Tech and would like to tell your story, please email Tess Martinelli at tmartinelli@businessinsider.com
