Courtesy of Kaajal Nanda
My wife, Katy, and I come from different worlds. I am a Hindu raised in London, while Katy is a Christian from Pittsburgh.
Yet our relationship thrives despite our cultural and religious differences. Although our multicultural identities initially presented challenges, they also brought us closer together.
From the moment we first spoke on the phone three years ago and met the next day, it was clear that we were meant to be. Our shared values, sense of humor, and desire to treat others with kindness made everything else seem insignificant.
As we grew closer, we realized how different we were, leading us to have some deep and intense conversations. My upbringing in Punjabi culture — with its vibrant traditions, music, and cuisine — contrasts sharply with Katy's American experience. While American culture often feels less rooted to her, Katy appreciates Indian food and is eager to learn Punjabi, encouraging me to speak it more. This mutual respect for each other's cultures has eased our blending process.
Despite our shared enthusiasm for each other's traditions, we've faced challenges with the smaller details. For instance, in Indian culture, it's common to stay with one's parents until marriage, while in American culture, independence is often encouraged from a young age. This difference has taught me to admire Katy's resilience and independence — qualities I deeply respect.
Courtesy of Kaajal Nanda
Our wedding was a beautiful representation of all of this blending. We incorporated elements from both cultures: an American ceremony conducted by a close friend, an Indian DJ with drummers who played a mixture of Indian and American music, and American food. This compromise showcased our diverse backgrounds and reinforced our commitment to creating a harmonious life together.
Our differing religious beliefs have also presented challenges. As a Hindu, I don't eat beef, while Katy, having grown up in a culture where beef is common, enjoys it. We've navigated this by respecting each other's preferences. While I don't stop her from eating beef in front of me, she respects my preferences by choosing not to eat it when I'm around and enjoying it outside the home instead. This thoughtful compromise has strengthened our mutual respect.
Another challenge was reconciling our differing views on the afterlife. Initially, it was difficult to accept that Katy's beliefs included the idea of non-believers going to hell. However, I realized that since I don't share this belief, it shouldn't impact our relationship.
Over time, Katy has also come to understand that my beliefs are valid, and we've found common ground in our shared values.
One aspect where we are fortunate is that patriarchy, a significant issue in both our cultures, doesn't impact us as a lesbian couple. This has allowed us to avoid some of the traditional gender dynamics that can complicate relationships.
Through regular, open discussions about our differences, we've discovered that our core values align closely. We both strive to show love and kindness, serve others generously, and remain authentic. These shared values are the foundation of our relationship and have helped us overcome any challenges.
Ultimately, our love for each other bridges our cultural and religious differences. It's this love that holds us together and makes our diverse backgrounds an asset rather than a hurdle. Our journey has shown us that embracing and respecting each other's cultures can create a life filled with joy, understanding, and unity.
