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Rachel Morgan Cautero
My husband is a saver, and I'm a spender. He buys everything at Costco or Walmart, while I occasionally splurge on a luxury item or really good skincare. But once we became parents, bought a house, and became parents (again), it was time to start looking to the future.
But getting on the same page with our finances wasn't easy. We were raised differently, had different ideas about how our money should be spent, and had wildly different spending styles. We also struggled with setting our long-term financial plan — after all, retirement just seemed so far away.
But after yet another money fight, we decided it was time to get it together. Using these four methods, we finally got on the same page with our finances.
And no, I don't mean paying for your next big vacation. I'm talking about long-term, big life goals that you work toward together that make managing your finances together a bit easier.
For us, that meant saving for our retirement (hello, sun-soaked retirement in Napa), saving for our kids' college education, and buying a second property up North. (We're in Florida.) Having short, mid and long-term goals provided just the right amount of incentive for saving, especially for the spender of our relationship. (Ahem … that's me.)
This one may not work for everyone, but combining our accounts helped us get on the same page financially. That way, everyone can see what's being spent, when, and on what.
But that's not to say all our money is in one place. We have our retirement and investments with our favorite financial services company, where we occasionally get advice from our financial advisor. We also have a checking account set aside as our "bill account." Most of our expenses are debited from this pool of money, set up on auto-pay, of course.
Then, we divert a set amount of money to our spending account each payday. This works for two reasons. First, we never risk overspending on incidentals. Second, it allows guilt-free spending (with limits), which is a great way for both of us to stay on track with our budget.
My husband and I are one of those couples who don't hide anything. We have each other's phone codes, email passwords, and the like, so it was only natural that we both have access to all our money accounts, too.
We both have access to all accounts, all credit cards, retirement accounts, and 529 plans, passwords, and all. There are no secrets, and we both look at our earned money as "ours." I'm also a full-time mom who works part-time, so this provided extra security for me.
I'm the spender in my relationship, but I can also be frugal with certain things and never replace anything if I can fix it first. My husband is super frugal but often buys the cheapest item possible, which means we have to replace items more often. But marrying someone means accepting all of them, money flaws and all.
Once we stopped fighting each other over our respective money habits and instead worked those shortcomings into our budget and overall financial strategy, there was a lot less fighting when it came to finances. Accepting each other's money shortcomings was key to getting on the same page financially.
Is our approach to finances perfect? Absolutely not. Do we still occasionally have "disagreements" when it comes to our money? Absolutely yes. But with this new approach, I finally feel like my husband and I are on the same page.
