BEFORE walking out of the house, I give my wife of 22 years a quick kiss on the cheek, telling her to have fun with the girls.
She smiles and sympathises that I’ve got a ‘boring work dinner’ to go to.
That gives me a pang of guilt, the night I’ve got planned is as far from boring as it’s possible to be.
I don’t deserve sympathy.
But by the time I’ve walked down the road guilt has been replaced by excitement.
I’m en route to a sex party, in a hotel suite, rented out for the occasion.
Hand in hand with my girlfriend, I’ll walk into a scene of scantily clad women, having sex with men they’ve only just met.
Within an hour I’ll join in and have sex with up to three women before heading home to my wife who’s done nothing more debauched than have a few glasses of wine.
It’s been a regular fixture of my life for the last six years. It’s not a weekly event, but every few months.
The excitement of extra marital sex with multiple women who are strangers is addictive and a part of my life that I’d hate to give up.
I love my wife – she’s the mother of our two children, she makes me laugh, we enjoy each other’s company and she’s the woman I picture getting old with.
But I’m not a faithful husband.
The sex side of our marriage has always been lacking, she doesn’t particularly enjoy it and for years it’s been a once-a-month thing that we do, because it feels like we should.
I was first unfaithful after five years of marriage – I was away on a work conference and ended up sleeping with a colleague.
It lasted for a couple of months and fizzled out mutually.
I had a few more like that over the years, opportunistic and meaningless sex.
I realise most readers would find my behaviour abhorrent. But swinging is just one aspect of my life, and in all other ways I’m a good husband”
Andrew, 52
But then eight years ago I met a woman who was married too through my cycling club.
We started an affair and early on she mentioned she’d enjoyed swinging with a previous partner.
I was intrigued. It had been on my radar as something I’d like to try ever since a friend drunkenly suggested we wife swap at the end of a dinner party.
While my pulse quickened both of our wives looked horrified and he quickly turned it into a joke.
The seed was sown, but I didn’t know how to go about it and didn’t want to go alone.
When my lover suggested going, I was excited.
I’d fallen in love with her by then, apart from anything I adored her sexuality and sense of adventure.
But we’d agreed from the beginning we didn’t want to wreck our families and we’ve stuck by that.
The first time we indulged was at a naturist club on the outskirts of London.
We sat in a sauna, and she whispered that she fancied one of the men there.
We beckoned him over to a room and he was all too willing.
It’s an extraordinary thrill seeing someone you love being intimate with someone else – it challenges all of your senses and emotions.
I hadn’t known for sure that I wouldn’t feel jealous, so I was relieved when I didn’t. And I wanted more.
Two months later we went to a central London club on a Friday night.
I knew it was going to be late, so I invented a work bonding trip necessitating an overnight trip.
I was nervous, worried I’d get performance anxiety or premature ejaculation.
My girlfriend reassured me and we drifted into conversation with another couple at the bar.
They were more experienced and told us their previous experiences and within half an hour we were all kissing.
Having sex with someone else in front of my girlfriend was
extraordinary, I knew what a buzz I got from seeing her with someone else, and as she smiled at me, I was reassured she wasn’t jealous.
It isn’t so much having sex with someone else that’s exciting – though novelty is always interesting.
It’s the fact there are women out there who have a high sex drive and are driven that I find attractive.
And the communal feeling of ecstasy. The nearest thing I can describe it to is being at a concert and everyone feeding off the communal spirit.
It’s a huge high.
Later that night and the following morning I made love to my girlfriend talking about our joint experience was a huge turn on.
That afternoon I went back to my wife.
As I sat in our two up two down semi in south London, I didn’t feel guilty, I felt that I had excitement in an otherwise humdrum world of work and domestic drudgery.
The way I justify it to myself is that in a million years my wife
wouldn’t want to do it.
She’d be no more capable of wanting that, than becoming a man if I
realised I was gay.
But she’s happy in our marriage and wouldn’t want to know.
We’ve had general conversations about infidelity when friends have been caught cheating, and her answer is always ‘he’s an idiot getting caught’.
My worst nightmare is not her finding out, but our two children.
They would be horrified – no one wants to think of their parents being sexual, let alone swinging.
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
My girlfriend and I have had numerous adventures.
We have a profile on Fab Swingers website where we meet other couples or single men – never single women, my girlfriend
has no interest in watching me when she isn’t otherwise occupied and she isn’t bi.
I like the visual aspect of seeing her with another man.
We’ve organised several gatherings in hotels through the website and been invited to some too.
We’ve met in the afternoons and in the evenings when my wife is going out or if I can make a ‘work trip’ seem plausible.
We’ve been to clubs – even one in Paris. That was a highlight – it was amazing.
You’re vetted on the door, so everyone in there is very elegant,
there are tables of food, like strawberries dipped in chocolate.
We occasionally meet up with people more than once, but not often – not because there’s a danger of getting attached, but because there’d be no novelty factor which we both enjoy.
One of my most memorable experiences was about four years ago, we met a couple online and arranged to meet at their house.
We were there, in broad daylight, with the French windows open, while she gave me oral sex in the living room, with my girlfriend on the sofa being pleasured by her partner.
Geographically I was half a mile away from home, in every
other way I was thousands of miles away.
And I couldn’t help but imagine how surprised her neighbours would be if they knew what was going on.
I love that naughtiness.
I’ve lost count of the number of women I’ve slept with – the most is three in a night.
But there have been occasions when the chemistry doesn’t match with anyone – and we’ll just have sex together. We always have safe sex.
I realise most readers would find my behaviour abhorrent. But swinging is just one aspect of my life.
And in all other ways I’m a good husband. And I’m far from the only married man there without his wife.
