DEAR DEIDRE: I AM haunted by my partner’s affair even though it happened five years ago because he may have had another child with her.
We have been together for 12 years and have a daughter aged eight. I am 36 and my partner is 38. They used to go to gymnastics and grew up together in the same village.
Apparently they bumped into each other when he went back to do a job in his parents’ area.
He’s a carpenter and had a big job in a mansion there.
But when I saw his location was in a different area nearby at the time he said he was working, I knew something was up.
He came clean straight away and admitted to the affair but said it was a stupid mistake and he’d realised he only wanted me.
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I was devastated but, for the sake of our daughter, I decided to forgive him and move on.
However, this person has been at the root of all our arguments ever since.
He promised he wouldn’t speak to her or see her again and I had to put my trust in him.
But I’ve since found out that they didn’t use any contraception so there is a chance that he could be the father of her four-year-old son.
He says’ he doesn’t think the dates add up and as they don’t speak any more it’s best to move on but I can’t.
I finished with him temporarily a couple of years ago because I cannot bear the thought that he potentially has another child, which would be my daughter’s half-sibling.
It is so distressing. I have tried to keep these thoughts to myself but it is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s like a black cloud hanging over me.
I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You need to resolve this uncertainty in order to move on.
Be honest with your husband and explain how you feel. Tell him how much his affair hurt you and you worry he may have fathered her child.
Try to stay calm so that you can assess the situation together.
Keep in mind that if your partner does have a child with this woman, that child is completely innocent.
With the right support, it is possible to make it past an affair but this is something you will have to do together.
Consider relationship counselling at Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960)
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will also help you to move on.
