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When my older daughter started first-grade several years ago, my social media feed exploded with cute first-day-of-school photos of smiling kids posing outside their homes and schools.
I texted my spouse from work, "Did you get any first-day pics?" knowing that I'd be crushed if she didn't document the day. But when the photos came streaming in, they made me feel even worse. How could I miss my kid's first day? Then again — how could I miss my own first day of school as an educator?
As an educator who starts work at 7:30 a.m., I can never drop off my kids on the first day of school — or any day — and usually can't pick them up either. Despite the influx of information from parent communication apps, it's easy to feel out of the loop when there's no face-to-face contact with my kids' schools.
The expectations for parents to be hyper-involved in kids' schools, especially at the start of the year, seem like a big change for me. When I was an elementary school student in the 1980s, my sister and I often walked to and from school by ourselves and interacted with dozens of school staff my parents didn't even know.
My spouse and mother-in-law are great at dropping kids off with hygiene, clothes, and homework intact — a huge accomplishment — but the overachiever in me wants to do more.
As an educator myself, I remember bonding with certain parent volunteers who would share information about kids. I know it makes a difference. And I feel guilty that I can't be the parent who says "Good morning!" with a smile each day.
A thunderbolt of inspiration stuck that fall when my firstborn started first grade — why not send the teacher a handwritten card introducing myself? It wasn't the same as a face-to-face meeting, but it was the next best thing.
I chose the most beautiful stationary I could find — something people appreciate in the digital age — and wrote a heartfelt note letting the teacher know that although I was unable to come to school in person, I was cheering her on and sending the best wishes for a great school year.
"I want to let you know that I'm available from afar to support your classroom," I wrote, sharing several ways that I could help her online, such as researching field trips or grant opportunities. I also mentioned that if she needed any supplies or items donated, I was connected to Buy Nothing groups and thrift stores and could easily send items to school with my partner and kid. I wrote my cellphone and email on the card even though I knew she had it in a spreadsheet, hoping it would encourage her to reach out more casually.
Within a couple of days, I received an email from the teacher thanking me profusely — and letting me know how my card made her feel appreciated. My relationship with Eleanor her on a great foot, and for the first time, it didn't matter so much I didn't get to meet my kids' teacher for the first few months of school.
